Monday, June 16, 2014

Goodluck and Goodbye

You know, I started this blog when I was going through a lot of weird, internal, emotional things. And I'm still going through a lot of that, but different ones now. I've grown a lot since I needed this blog to help me. I moved out with my boyfriend of now 7 and a half years, and we're loving it. I recently went on a month long trip to Europe with my sister, which, while sometimes very trying (she's hard to get along with), proved in the end to be a valuable experience. I graduated from Langara, and now I'm almost done being a 3rd year student at Emily Carr University. My creative talents have leapt and grown, and while, like I said, I still have many, many personal problems to face, the fact that my art is becoming so, so good brings me a lot of solace.

So I guess I'm saying goodbye to this blog. It's been almost a year since I made a post, but I've thought often about it. It helped me to write so many of these things down, especially when I didn't know where I was going with my life, and when Yas died, and when I broke up with Max that one time (hahaha I try not to think about this). But it helped me when I needed it, and now that it's no longer needed, I will close this chapter of my blogging history. Maybe I'll start a new one? I do miss writing one, especially since regularly writing in a journal is slowly becoming a thing of the past for me. And I would like a place to share my creative process and goals with people. But for now, I'm just trying to focus on registering for Fall semester classes (as we speak) and how to pay off my credit card after going to Europe, so all things in their own time.

Good luck, thanks for reading, and goodbye!

Saturday, August 24, 2013


Hey, it's okay. I feel a lot better now. I can't go into too many details right now because I have important big kid work to do! I'm moving out! And there's a lot to get done. For now, let's just chill out.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Yeah, No, Seriously, Wow

So glad I'm a pathetic garbage "human". Feels good. Feels awesome. Life is awesome. Thanks for the totally rad mental fucking problems, it's all so chill.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Old Man's War

My good friend Paul introduced me to an amazing author the other day, John Scalzi. I never was a huge science fiction buff, though I was into it a bit more when I was younger. Mostly older stuff like Bradbury though, nothing too new. But Paul insisted that Scalzi's book, Old Man's War, was one of his favourites, and shit, paperback science fiction novels are like 10 bucks, so I gave it a shot...

And now I'm completely, head over heels in love! I cannot stress enough how this is easily one of the best books I have ever read. I knew I loved it when I was only two and a half pages in. Old Man's War is the first in a trilogy, thank god, because I finished it in less than a total of 24 hours and I need more. Also, I'm unused to books being so cheap, so you know what that means? Time to buy more and more and more and more and...

I also added another Christopher Moore book to my collection: Sacré Bleu: A Comedy D'Art. I have a very deep love for all of Moore's stories, and encourage everyone to give them a shot. They're funny as hell, but with amazing storytelling and some deeply emotional moments too. The tagline for Sacré |Bleu is:

In July 1890, Vincent van Gogh went into a cornfield and shot himseld. Or did he?
 I feel like I'm at the right point in my life right now to have found this book. I don't think I would appreciate it as much as I think I'm going to if I didn't have my newfound art and art history background. Just started it today, so I'll probably be done by Sunday hahaha. Anyhow, I'm off for a lovely day of hanging out with my girl Sarah. We're going for lunch at The Tipper, a really great little place near my work, and then who knows. 

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Are You My Mother?

Since it was my birthday a couple of days ago, I decided to buy myself a present yesterday: two books. One was an anatomy book for artists (it's so beautiful!) that I've been meaning to buy for a while, and the other one is a graphic novel by Alison Bechdel, Are You My Mother? It's the companion to a previous novel, Fun Home. Of course, I'm already 3/4 of the way through it, and completely loving every second of it.

When I read Fun Home, it was my first time in college. I was 18, and determined to become and English major. In taking as many English and Literature classes as I could, I ended up taking one of "The Graphic Novel". My teacher at the time said that he had had a hard time getting permission to teach this class, and met with a lot of resistance from fellow professors. This was not astonishing news. At the time of this class, almost 4 and a half years ago, graphic novels had not yet reached a great degree of recognition. Today, they're making better progress.

The rest of my class was completely flummoxed by Fun Home. Bechdel is smart, and it wasn't like many other graphic novels I had encountered. I read the entire thing twice before we discussed it the following week in class, completely enthralled with a form of storytelling that I didn't yet have much experience with. It had such a personal, yet matter-of-fact tone that I hadn't seen in the other comics and graphic novels that I had read up until that point. She was good at thinking, which sounds crazy, but is something that most people are not very good at. She thought about things, and then thought about thinking about them.

During my Fine Arts program, I had to talk two classes: Cultural Theory, and Critical and Cultural Theory. Hands down the hardest classes I have ever taken in my life. At the beginning of the first class, my teacher Lynn Ruscheinsky, told us that this class was supposed to teach us how to think. We scoffed. Thanks but no thanks. I'm fairly sure we already know how to think. We thought of this statement as arrogant. But you know what? She was right! It did teach me how to think! Okay, not that I didn't already know how to think about things, but it taught me how to think about things harder, if that makes any sense. I came to see that it was a kind of glorified philosophy class, but less of the stereotypical ideas of what a college philosophy class is like, and more reading and reading and reading and READING about all these people and ideas. I already knew a bit about most of them. Plato, Nietzsche, Freud, Darwin... I had a bit of a footing with them. The others (Hume, Althusser, Foucault, Saussure, Essed, etc) I was much less framiliar with, but quickly learned to keep up. There was a lot more on psychology than I had anticipated. It was a little dizzying sometimes.

After the class was over, I was convinced that I learned absolutely nothing from it. I passed with a B (somehow?) and was content to forget about it. But two weeks ago, discussing it with Sarah, we both agreed that it had completely changed the way that we approached thinking about things. I feel like I'm more mentally capable than I used to be. And since that class, I have read so many things that directly reference things that I learned in Cultural Theory, and I would have been lost in my reading if I hadn't learned about it in school.

So, back to Alison Bechdel. I feel like I found Fun Home and Are You My Mother? at very appropriate times in my life. Fun Home was my first foray into what else graphic novels could be, and it enticed me in. Are You My Mother? would have been so much more impossible to understand if I hadn't taken Cultural Theory. It's smarter than Fun Home, and more challenging.

I can't gush enough about it. I wish I wasn't almost done. I always do this, where I completely power through a book. I know I'll go back and read it at least 3 more times though, and each time I'll pick up on an idea I missed the first time. I wish I could meet her, and tell her... I don't know, I don't want to say "what an inspiration she is to me!" because it sounds so over-eager and dramatic. I just really wish I could make comics like she can. To be fair, she's been at it a lot longer than I have, and maybe longer than I've even been alive? She's just cool as hell, and she makes me want to learn more. She talks a lot about this guy Donald Winnicott, a psychoanalyst, and I'm thinking about going to the library and finding some of his stuff to read, because it's actually really interesting.

If I actually met her though, she'd think I was the biggest idiot ever though, because I cannot talk to people that I admire without losing my voice and going red. Thank you, anxiety. It sounds like she's got anxiety problems like I do too though, so maybe she'd understand and take pity on me, haha.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

It's All Art, You Twat-Weasles

Can I please, please, please just make art without it being pointed out to me that illustration and "art" are different things? Maybe I like illustrating jokes for my friends. How can you honestly look at a thoughtfully drawn illustration and differentiate, and then look at something fucking Duchamp puked up and call that art.


Friday, May 3, 2013

A Different Kind of Fix

My role in life has made itself apparent to me. The thing that I am best at doing is helping people. But not in a mundane way. I seem to be best at helping people be at ease. I'm not doing a very good job at explaining it, I know. But it's like... like I seem to be able to lift the veil for people, and bring them out into the sunshine. To just put out a hand, and touch someone, and coax them into some sense, however brief, of gladness or serenity or joy.

I'm not trying to sound high and mighty about this. Quite the opposite, I am incredibly humbled at my seeming ability to do this. I'm happy that I can help. I feel like art is just another avenue for me to help out. Images can effect us deeply, and I appear to be very capable of creating things that bring other people joy. It's a good feeling, and it gives me a sort of peace of mind, knowing that I've found what I'm really good at. I like quietly moving amongst the people in my life, stopping here and there to pick somebody up.

The only thing that occassionally worries me, when I stop long enough to let myself think about it, is: Who's going to pick me up?

(Also, please check out this link! It leads to some of the most marvelously beautiful photography I've ever seen: )