Friday, January 29, 2010

Lollipops, New Friends and Comics

Firstly, the lollipops I ordered from Lollyphile FINALLY came! It was a long wait, but totally worth it, because these Pomegranate Tangerine lollipops are delicious. They aren't quite picture perfect - the ones in the picture look more pomegranate than tangerine like mine do - but my teeth are starting to feel all fuzzy from the sugar (don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about!), and really, isn't that what we all want? For our teeth to be covered in delicious sugar? Now I'm just chewing on the stick, because I do that sometimes.

New friends! As you've probably gleaned by now, I'm an incredibly awkward person. I work with a bunch of very awesome girls, and I consider many of them friends. But I am always too shy to ask them to hang out in case they think I'm some kind of retard. Who the fuck asks to hang out? What are we, 5? Are we arranging a play date?
Uh, yeah.
Anyway, when I was discussing how badass Shabusen's is, Carolina said she'd never been, and then said "We should go sometime!" Like the sad little nerd I am, I actually got excited.

Maybe I won't die alone after all.

Also, comics.
In the webcomic world, I stumbled upon another awesome one. Hark! A Vagrant is drawn and written by Kate Beaton, my new favourite person! It's history with rofl-worthy twist. My favourite ones are about the writers. The James Joyce one is hilarious if you know what she's talking about. Google 'james joyce love letters to nora barnacle'. What a classy, classy man.
See also:
Poe and Verne

Shelley(s) and Byron

Nerd paradise!

Psst! I forgot to tell you! I'm starting my OWN comic! It's still in the ideas stage, so I can't tell you about the plot yet, but I've started drawing bits of it, and I've come a long way from the shit I used to draw. Let's hope it turns out nice!

PS. I was forced to use my brothers deoderant today, since there was no girly stuff at my dad's. Ladies, if you're inexplicably attracted to me, that's why. Do not be alarmed.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

3 Years Ago

3 years ago, a boy named Max asked out a girl named Lisa.

It honestly does not feel like 3 years have gone by (and if one more person tells me "Time flies when you're having fun!" I'm going to shoot them). I can still remember January 26th, 2007 so clearly. Like, I remember exactly what we were wearing. That was also the day of my very first kiss, which I am sad to say made me look like a retard. Basically, I froze, and actually said "I wasn't ready for that." Way to go, you douche! It's alright though, folks, I tried again a few days later, and discovered that making out is the greatest thing ever.

There were some tough times. My father being Italian, and therefor a member of the mafia, he literally threatened to kill Max if he did anything. Some people are like "Haha, he's just saying that." No, dear readers, my dad does not just say shit like that. He means it.

But other than little incidences like that, the past three years have been smooth sailing, and I'm in a state where I forget that there was a time when I didn't even know Max existed.

Here's hoping there's more years to come.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Victoria, Museums, and More Information Than You Require

Listening to: Tegan and Sara - Hell

I went to strange, foreign lands for the weekend!

Not really. I went to Vancouver Island and kicking it in Victoria for the weekend, with the boy. Truly though, we had a good time.

I took the Canada Line all the way to the airport (well, almost)! It's a pretty big step up from, say, the Expo Line trains. This one was so quiet, it was awesome. When I was finally on the ferry though, I broke my diet.


But Max kept saying "We're on vacation! It's okay!", and I did make up for it by only eating smoothies and vegetables. So there's that.

We went to the museum! Honestly, I love the museum, however nerdy that may sound. The natural history part is cool, but really, the most awesome part is the hall full of huge glass cases, showcasing items from the different decades of the last century. That is cool in itself, but they have a case for 1990! Seriously, there were like, Reboot action figures (including: Enzo, Megabyte, Hexadecimal), Pogs, and fucking Pikachu. Seriously. Pokemon is going to be in the museums of the future.
We left the museum and walked up along the waterfront,and saw a man dressed as Darth Vader, playing the fiddle. Clearly, this man deserved money, and Max dropped a small sum into his sith-case.
But just before that, a man came up behind us: "Excuse me," he said to me, this creepy, middle-aged man who smiled, but this did little to comfort me. "I've just been walking behind you for the last couple of minutes, and I've been trying to figure out what it says on the back of your hoodie."
Me: Uh, Fall Out Boy?
Him: Tallout Boy?
Me: No. Fall Out Boy.
Him: Oh! Okay. Fall Out Boy. Well, thank you. -leaves-

Trying to read the back of my hoodie, or getting an eyeful of my backside?
Nice try, old man.

In further breaking of my diet, we then went to the Keg and I got the most delicious meal ever. Balsamic Mushroom Chicken. Seriously? Holy FUCK. It was so goddamn good. Grilled chicken breast, balsamic cream sauce, and portabello, shitake and button musrhooms, with a side of garlic mashed potatoes. Dessert? Crème brûlée. I almost cried, it was so delicious. The we waddled back to our AWESOME hotel room, which, for some reason, was a suite, with a kitchen, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, living room and like, a million mirrored closets. It was, to say the least, pretty fucking sweet.

While we were in town, I bought a book. Not just any book though. MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU REQUIRE is a book by John Hodgman, a man who has now become my new hero. This is the funniest book I have read in a long, long time. Every fact that he writes in this book is completely made up. But that doesn't stop it from being insanely hilarious. So far, one of my favourite parts is


-a baby who frowns at himself in the mirror will become a writer.
-a baby who hates himself in the mirror will become a writer of short stories.

I am humbled by his wit, and I'm only halfway through the book.

I don't know, I just had such a great time with Max. It's been 3 years now, and we had a wonderful weekend to celebrate it with.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

What's The Opposite Of A Misanthrope?

Are you ready for a tale of epic proportions?

So yesterday, I lost my wallet. As I mentioned though, I'd been having the same bus driver for the last couple of days, so I thought that maybe he'd have found my wallet, recognized me, and turned it in or something. So, instead of taking the 29 like I normally do, I took the 26. I timed it perfectly, and he was driving the bus! I got on, and opened my mouth to ask about the wallet, and he said "You, hold on, just stand over there."

So I waited for the other people to pay their bus fare, and then he said "What's your first name?"
Obviously, I knew he had found and, and I got this biiiig smile and said "LisaRecchia, didyoufindmywallet!?" He laughed and said "That's not your first name!" Then, "Now, don't tell anyone, but when I find something, I'm supposed to take it to the lost and found. But I know you, I've been seeing you everyday for the last little while, so I took it home with me and decided to give it to you in person."

So I was reunited with my wallet! My little black wallet with the bird on it, who I bought in Toronto and already lost once before. But wait! There's more...

"So," he said. "I noticed you have two U-Passes in there." Uh oh. My friend Karina had lent me hers a while back, and it was expired now, so I forgot I had it. He said "What's her name?" I said, Karina, and he said "How do you know her?" I was getting a little suspicious. "Uh, from Girl Guides?"
Then he got this big smile on his face, and told me "Crazy thing is, I know her."

Seriously, people. Talk about a small fucking world. He knows Karina! Like, pretty well, actually. And he knows other people that I know! Cristina, Rosie, Carolina, Marisa, Yuki... Seriously, it was too crazy.

So I got my wallet back, and now me and the coolest bus driver in the whole world, Nelson Garica, are friends on Facebook. Happy ending!

I was practically exploding today, I was so happy. And it was infectious too. Every customer I had today went away smiling. I told a couple of people my epic, epic story, and they were just like "Holy shit, that's awesome."

Later, on the 19 bus, I heard two older men, complete strangers, pour their hearts out and tell their life stories to each other. One guy was from Northern India, and the other was from here. They were just talking and talking, and they had never met before right then. And I realized something. I love people. I love seeing stuff like that, the connections that we forge everyday in life. Before, if you had asked, I would have told you that I hated people. What's the opposite of a misanthrope?

PS. Eating the soup I made with my bare hands, and holy god, it is so facking good. Also, packing for Victoria. It's my anniversary trip! On January 26th, 3 years ago, a boy named Max asked out a girl named Lisa.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

A Shitastic Day

God, I get so tired.

So after being blown off (AGAIN) by my asshole sister, I took the bus home from work, angry.
It was the nice bus driver from yesterday, so I smiled pleasantly, and scored the seat right behind the driver's seat. I put all my bags down, and reclined with my iPod...

...aaaand I'm pretty sure I left my wallet on the bus. Because fuck me, right? Like, let's make this day as shitastic as we possibly can.

Hopefully, because I'm too good to keep cash in my wallet like a commoner, no one will steal and it, and maybe they'll give it to the bus driver and he'll give it to the lost and found. Or stalk me or something, I don't really care as long as I get it back.

So tomorrow, (after a phone call) I'm either making a trip downtown to the Translink Lost and Found, or heading over to my bank for yet another bank card. They're going to think I'm either the biggest retard, or that I'm scamming them or something.

Already, though, I'm recovering from my worst day ever. Stupid sister has said she'll make it up to me by taking me out to dinner (Saffron's?!!!!??) so that's nice, but will she deliver? I'm so used to being blown of by the slooty sloot-face, so it's not impossible that she'll a) forget, b) get high or c) just plain bail.

But I can never stay mad at her.

Ah well, as the sun sets, and I eat chocolate-covered cashews to ease my anxiety, I think to tomorrow, and all the new fuck-ups that lie in wait for me.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Food, Being Lame and Maplestory

How do vegetarians do it?
I'm seriously hungry all the time, eating this rabbit food. And I have to keep buying more of it! Like, I can't just buy a big old jar of Healthy and crack that open whenever I need some nourishment. I have to continue buying fresh vegetables and fruit. Ugh, is this what being an adult is like? I'm not sure I'm a big fan of it.

I do, however, like shopping. Today I bought a vegetable cous cous pilaf mix, from good old Famous Foods. I'm so excited to try it! Cous cous is just like tiny rice, right? I should like it. And tomorrow I'm buying polenta! Why? I need something to fill me up. I have a feeling I'm going to be eating a lot of polenta. I wonder if you can bake it in the oven instead of frying it? And then I'm going to buy salmon jerky (it's really just smoked, dried, and heavenly delicious)!
Is this what happens? Once you become vegetarian-esque, you just obsess about food all the time? Blog about your grocery list? It's a sad, sad existence.

So I just went on to Facebook, and a girl I graduated with (we really aren't even what I'd consider 'friends') posted some pictures... of her cute downtown apartment, where she lives with her (way less attractive than her) boyfriend, and they cook food all the time! I waaaaaant D:
I remember, she was totally the cool kid in highschool. Like, she was cool without even trying. Whereas I didn't give a shit about being cool and wound up being not-cool, she didn't give a shit and was uber-cool. I have to admit, I am jealous. I just want the cute downtown apartment!

Sadly, that's all. I got stupid Maplestory, and it's just taking over my mind. I thought about it a decent amount while I was working today. Dear. God. Like, where the fuck are the Dark Stumps? They're supposed to drop some pants for me or something, so I can take them and construct a microphone to play some music to soothe the spirits of the slaughtered animals so I can remove their cursed blood from my Dirty Treasure Map! Yeesh! It's really not reasonable that life should be this hard.

PS. A thought occurs.

A week ago I was at work, on cash, and this old European man (a regular) comes through my till. Annoyingly, he pays for $13.00 of groceries with a $100 bill. We're supposed to scan anything bigger than a $20 bill, so I shove it under the black light. Being born a millenia ago, and in the Old Country, he asks what I'm doing.
"Scanning it to make sure it's real."
"Pfft! Scanning! We have to scan everything these days! Are you going to scan me too?"
"Hahaha, no." (rolls eyes)
"Hahaha... Oh, my poor, dead sister."
"Yeah.... what?"
"My poor, dead sister. Live healthy! 9 years younger than me! Die of liver cancer."
"Oh... well, that's... oh."
"I just can't believe it. I cried all night."
"I... uh, yes! Next customer!"

Oh my god, I feel so awful. I never, NEVER, what to say when people inform me of stuff like this. "I'm sorry" feels so impersonal, I feel like a jackass whenever I have to use it like that. And I said nothing. I think he was really looking for me to say something nice. But I don't know! I have no personal experience with death! Honestly, it all just freaks me out. I'm an incredibly awkward person anyway, but god.
Also, this may or may not be the same old fellow who showed me his concentration camp tattoo from Auschwitz. Like, what do you say?

I told you it was worth sticking around. A lot of weird stuff happens around me.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Terrible Movies and Hats

You know what I have a huge problem with?

The Sex in the City movie.

This is the second time I've seen this movie (not by my choice!), and every time, I am struck by how fucking ridiculous it is.

Miranda, the ginger, is cheated on. Her husband has sex with someone else. "I'm so sorry. But it was only once!" Oh, hell, that makes it all better then! I was pleased when Miranda dumped his ass, but then all her stupid friends are all "Omg! I can't believe you haven't forgiven Steve yet!" What?? Why the fuck should she? Oh, he's sooooo sorry, and you're the bitch for not forgiving him.

For cheating? For having sex with someone else other than his wife? Yeah, why didn't you forgive him? It was only once!

If I'm anything like the women on this horrible, horrible show when I'm 40, I will throw myself off a fucking cliff.


The diet! My god, I've eaten so much fruit lately, it's ridiculous. But good! I feel good. Pears and strawberries, plain pasta with pine nuts and parmesan, sugar free chocolate and salmon jerky. Boy oh boy. Now if I could only get the exercise part underway...

Also, my sister bought the cutest hat a while ago. It's a little bucket shaped hat, with a short brim around the back, and a wider one on the front. It is adorable, and I am now adding it to my daily ensemble, since the weather is beginning to get all cruddy and typical of a Vancouver winter. Now that I've got one hat, though, I'm hooked! Needs more hats.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Dreams, Pears and Il Nido

I am not a person unfamiliar to bizarre, mind-bending dreams. I dream frequently, and can remember most to all of them. And I have never had a normal one.
Last night, for instance, I dreamed I was in my front yard, composing music on a keyboard with a toddler. The toddler left in a huff, and my grandfather, dead for 13 years, showed up, looking morose. This is pretty weird, since I have dreamed of him only once before. I really didn't get to know the guy, although I've heard he was pretty badass.
Anyway, he asks me to play him some music. I see a trumpet case (which is weird, since I don't even own a trumpet; I'm a trombone player), and I open it up but have trouble getting a note out of the stupid thing. The wind is wailing and wailing, and rather mournfully, he looks up and says "Ah... That's Betty" (my long-dead grandmother).

Yeah. It was somethin', to say the least.

So Shabusens was a bust. I forgot how durned popular that place is, and it IS a Friday night. So we moved on. Red Robins was full. The Keg was a 25 minute wait. What to do?! Then my mom said "Hey, how about this little place, Il Nido? I've always wanted to go there!" People, it was fucking delightful. I got the best caesar salad I've ever had before (not like that crap you get at White Spot), followed by a puttanesca, pasta in a tomato sauce with assorted seafood, olives and capers. And dear me, it was brilliant. It was exactly like the seafood pasta dish I had in Florence two years ago, that I still think about from time to time. Now I know somewhere close to home that I can get it.

And there was the craaaaaaaaaziest guy on the skytrain back! I could tell he was crazy, and he has a bag on the seat next to him. Then this lady comes on and is like "Excuse me. Excuse me?! Can you move your bag? Yeah, yeah just move it. Thanks." I thought he was going to stab her. Then he sat there looking out the window saying "General Motors Place, General MotorsPlace, GeneralMotorsPlace, GENERALMOTORSPALCEGENERALMOTORSPLACEGENERALMOTORSPLACE" forever.
And the bitch that sat beside him had two cellphones. And she was using both of them at the same time! Was she texting herself? Is she a spy? Is she having an affair? What's going on there? These are the types of questions that plague my life.

Brussel Sprouts and Ghosts

I'm going on a diet!

Now, I know what you're all thinking: Diets don't work! Don't worry, I've thought about all that, and researched diets for a solid 15 minutes, so I think I know what I'm talking about.

No, I'm not quitting junk food cold-turkey. No, I'm not going to starve myself. No, I'm not going to become a vegetarian. I'm going on a low-fat diet!

But what can you eat on a low-fat diet?

Tons of tasty things! Namely:

-whole wheat breads

Meat is allowed, but only chicken and fish, and not all of the time, which is fine by me. I barely eat any red meat anyway. Thank god about the pasta and potatoes though. My poor Italian and Scottish ancestors would be spinning in their graves if I had to cut those out completely.

Seriously though, I'm stoaked! Getting healthy?! How awesome! Luckily for me, I work in an awesome grocery store called Famous Foods, which has lots of tasty organic produce, and other crazy shit you can't find anywhere else in the city. So today after work, I bought myself 3 pears, and a whole passel of brussel sprouts. The pears are for breakfast, and I guess I'll just eat them plain? Honestly, I haven't eaten a pear in years. The brussel sprouts are lunch, and they will be cooked in Black Bean Sauce with garlic.

(I'm going to Shabusens for dinner, so I didn't have to buy anything else. Yay for all-you-can-eat Japanese!)

Also, I watched a creepy movie, un-creepily called Imaginary Playmate. It was playing on the Women's Channel, they always have the most random movies playing on there. It was about an imaginary friend that was really (obviously) a ghost! And I only saw about 30 minutes of it, but shiiiiiiiit, was it creepy. The ghost girls name was Candice, and an old lady could see her. Ew. Old people.

Then Rosie and Cristina gave me a ride home from work! My boots have holes in them, and it's pouring rain and I bus home. Everyone seemed really concerned that no one could pick my up from work, and they offered. I think everyone thinks I'm like, really destitute or something, or my family hates me and never feeds me or something. I remember I won a Subway gift card from some little work thing we did, and my boss, Gloria, said "I'm glad it was you that won this". I think they think I'm poor.


Anyway, my right hand is losing all feeling, so I guess that means it's time for hibernation! Goodnight from me and Candice-- OH FUCK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

PS: msn! Asking my boyfriend how to eat a pear! I'm so attractive it hurts!

You And Me Have Seen Everything To See says:
  • yessssssssss
  • i live to entertain
  • im going to eat one of my pears now
  • how do you eat pears? do you bite them? or like, cut them up or something
  • i seriously have not had a pear in years

The Bird Speaks...

I like to talk, A LOT, and when no one's around, I like to write.
I have two other blogs: Grapevine Fires, where I try to make you laugh, and Such Great Heights, where I try to make you feel something.
I always want to rant on them, but neither of them is the place for such things. I needed a place to talk.

Thus, Talking Bird was born!

Ellemar, is there a theme to your blog names? To be frank, they seem stupid and random.

Duly noted, reader! No, they are not random words that I mashed together. You see, I have a deep love for anything Ben Gibbard lends is glorious voice to, so my blog names are song names. Grapevine Fires and Talking Bird are from Death Cab For Cutie albums, and Such Great Heights is from The Postal Service.

I really don't want to hear about anything you have to say.

I admire your frankness, reader! You'd be surprised though, some strange and fascinating stuff happens around me.

Why aren't you cooler?

Haha, and how! Dear reader, it is scientifically proven that I cannot be cool. My favourite word is macabre, and I have never even seen Titanic. Name a popular singer/band/person: I can guarantee that you that my response will be a blank stare. And honestly, who wants to be cool when you can walk around like a jackass and have tons of fun like I do?

Tell me something about yourself.

Thanks for not being mean, reader! I am 19 years old, lacking a direction in life. I like books, writing and cooking. I have a dog, two cats and a bird, two siblings, divorced parents, a grocery store job and a boyfriend. An Internet-addict, I spend my days off discovering hilarious and weird things online. Webcomics and take up the bulk of my days.

Why should I keep reading? How often will you update?

What a flurry of questions, reader! You should keep reading because I promise something interesting will happen. As for how often I'll update, I can't say for sure, but I hope it'll be regularly. I've gotten a little behind on my other blogs and it shames me. I will keep up with this one!