Thursday, May 27, 2010

Left 4 Dead 2 Achievements Day: Dark Carnival

Today I was going to fix up my bike and ride it around for a bit. But a much more serious duty calls.

I've just realized that I almost no L4D2 achievements on my home xbox. I always play at Max's house, so they're all on my account there. This is unacceptable.

-cracks knuckles-

It's going to be a looong day.

To start, I'm playing Dark Carnival on Easy. Yes, yes, easy is for noobs, but I'm just in it for the achievements right now. Plus, I don't like playing anything harder than easy with just me and the Computers. I can't rely on them to help me out. I'm playing as Rochelle too, because I like playing the only girl character.

The possible achievements in this level are Midnight Rider, Head Honcho, Club Dead, Clownd, Fried Piper, Stache Whacker, Gong Show, and Guardin' Gnome.

I can also work towards Avatar Achievements, such as unlocking a Med Kit I can equip my avatar with once I complete all campaigns on any skill level, the Zombie Hand Shirt once I kill 10,000 Infected, and my favourite, the Depeche Mode shirt, which you can get after you rescue Gnome Chompski. I can't really see myself completing that one today, because as I said, the Computers are too stupid to rely upon when you're playing on your own, so I'll save it for another day.
For those of you that don't know , Gnome Chompski is a garden gnome you can win after defeating the shooting gallery in Dark Carnival (this is for the achievement, "Guardin' Gnome"). You have to carry him all through the game, and eventually bring him on to the helicopter with you. You cannot use any of your weapons while you are holding him. You must drop him if you want to do anything like use a gun or heal yourself.

So I started this level with a good old shotgun. Now that I'm actually at the amusement park, Whispering Oaks, I've found a guitar to use as a melee weapon, and my baby, the Combat Shotgun.

I-It's so beautiful.

This gun has like, the range of one of the sniper rifles, but the power of a shotgun. She is God's most precious gift to L4D2.

Okay, wait a minute. I am noticing some serious problems on this xbox here. For one thing, it's not alerting me when I've gotten achievements. So far, I've gotten two, Head Honcho and Armory of One. It didn't tell me I got Armory of One, but it's up there, and it says I have 203/200 of the necessary decaps I need to get Head Honcho, but it's not showing it as completed. Aw man, what the fuck. Why do I always end up with the shittiest, most defected equipment. It also keep saying "Game Profile Error" every time I take a zombies head off. Maybe I'll stop using the guitar now.

Well, let's keep playing, I suppose.

So wait, what if this isn't saving any of my kills?! NOOOO THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT PART! YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh wait, nevermind, it is. Hahaha, nothing to freak out over afterall.

Okay, so I found an adrenaline shot a ways back, and I've been saving it so I can get either Gong Show or Stache Whacker. Which one should it be? I have Gong Show on my other account, so maybe I should get Stache Whacker?
For you noobs, Gong Show is an achievement you can get if you hit a... actually, I don't know what it's called. That carnival game where you hit the target with a big hammer, and then it measures how strong you are, and you win by hitting it so hard you make the bell at the top ring? Yeah, that thing. For this, you have to make sure you have a melee weapon with you, and then use your adrenaline shot. This makes you hit it so hard that the fucking bell on top goes flying off. It also, unfortunately, summons a horde.
Stache Whacker is the same theory, only it's a Whack-A-Mole game where you hit one of the amusement parks characters, Moustachio (who is himself a pistachio). Have a melee weapon, use the shot, and whack away. This does not summon a horde (to my knowledge).

Now I'm going to trade my baby for an M-16 Assault Rifle. Really, I just want more bullets right now so I can kill more zombies. The reload time is a lot shorter, since you can just shove an entire cartridge in, instead of loading each individual bullet.
Plus, I like the sound it makes when it kills things.

In the Tunnel of Love. Let's shoot us some zombies.

Christ, my most hated Special Infected is the fucking Jockey.

These stupid little bitches jump around so fucking much, it's hard to just aim and shoot at them, then they jump on you and ride you around like fucking show ponies. And that fucking laugh. Uuugh words cannot describe how much I hate them. In the original Left 4 Dead, my nemesis was the Boomer. Now it's the Jockey.

Ah, I'm just going to get the Gong Show achievement. It's right in front of me, and its all bright and flashing, so I just gotta do it. Here we go.

OH MAN, FUCK THIS. I did it, and it says I haven't. That's fucking bunk, man. Goddamnit.
Well, now I'm just extremely discouraged. Is there even a point in finishing? Will it record that?

Eh, I'm almost done, so may as well.
Now, I'm going to very busy in a minute with the whole fighting off an endless horde thing, so lemme get back to you. I've got an AK-47 and a crowbar to do my dirty work with.
Aaah holy fuck, just as I was getting to the final area for the big fight, I turned around and came face to face with this:

AAAAH FUCK! Fucking Boomers! The Female Boomer sounds different too, kind of like a dying pig.
Oh Jesus, I was truing to sneak around the Witch too, and she turned her head really quick and looked straight at me.

And then she attacked Coach, hahahaha.

Okay, time for srs bsns.

Aaand completed! Wow, that was spectacular. I used all the molotovs, gas cans, and fireworks I possibly could. No tank got within 20 feet of us, and I think I took maybe 15 damage tops. The helicopter showed and I got on that shit lickity split, followed quickly by everyone else. That was magical.
And my total kill count? 810. That is... that's beautiful, that's what that is. Eight hundred and fucking ten.

Okay then. That wraps up Dark Carnival. Not sure if I'm going to do anymore, actually. I'm feeling a little cooped up here, and also, starving. I do want to get that bike looked at, and possibly even a shower or something.
Tomorrow is a day off too. What am I going to do with myself?

Also, I love Nick.

Nick: Ugh! This swamp water is going to ruin my white suit!
Rochelle: (laughing) You mean the suit with zombie brains all over it?
Nick: Brains come out, swamp water doesn't. Don't ask me how I know this.


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