Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Happy Birthday

Today is my birthday.

I am 20 years old now.

I'll write more later.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Dreams and Almost!

One thing I have always been proud of are my insane dreams that I have almost every night. There's a line from Abarat that described perfectly what it's like:

"Candy has always prided herself upon having a vivid imagination. When, for instance, she privately compared her dreams with those her brothers descrcibed over the breakfast table, or her friends at school exchanged at break, she always discovered her own night visions were a lot wilder and weirder than anybody else's." Abarat, ch. 13, para. 1

That's pretty much what it's like for me too. I always have wilder, crazier dreams than everyone else I know.

Like last night. The whole thing was one continuous dream, but it kept getting broken up because I would wake up occassionally. But the awesome part was that as soon as I fell back asleep, the dream would continue.

I really wish I'd written it down right after I woke up, because as always, the finer details are lost to me now. I know there were zombies for the majority of the dream (very typical). We were in some city, hiding out from them. All the house were built high up, with ladders you could climb up to them. You could be walking down a completely empty street, with other people walking around too, enjoying the sunny weather, and then out of nowhere, a horde of zombies would come moaning towards you, prompting everyone to run and hide or shoot. The whole dream actually started at my mom's house, with zombies slowly taking over the neighbourhood, and some friends and myself holing up inside the house.

There was some crazy stuff. Tanis was in it, and, for some reason, she was pregnant (I don't know either, Tanis, it was fuucked). I was escorting and protecting her through the zombie wasteland, and we came to a place where it was safe, but run by this insane dictator-type fellow. He was an asshole, and and seeing me watching out for Tanis made him mad, so he kept trying to separate us. Finally, he approached me and told me that if I didn't do as he said, he would kill Tanis. I'm pretty sure he was going to kill me anyways, but I can't remember what happened next.

I kept trying to shoot these zombies in the head, but the trigger was incredibly hard to pull, and I kept missing, so finally, I walked right up to the damn thing, and slowly and deliberately shot a round into it head, and then said to it "That was a head shot, okay?" and it was like "Yeah, you're right" and then died.

Also, there was a final part, sans zombies, where I needed to make a magical weapon for someone, using some random odds and ends parts. A little girl was helping me, and she found something and then threw it away. I asked her what it was, and she said "Oh, it was just a tiny key." And I was thought, "Well shit, that sure sounds like a magical item I could use." I found it, and sure enough it was this tiny fucking key."

There was so much more that I can't remember, or even describe, to this dream. I'm going to make a habit of actually writing my dreams down now, because I could honestly write books based on them.

In other news, my birthday is in... one day!! Ahh! I know some people don't care about their birthdays, but mine is very important to me. I'm going to be 20 years old! I've been alive for two whole decades. I told Maria this, and she laughed. "Wooow, two whole decades? Hahaha, kid, talk to me again when it's been five." Still, it's a big deal! I'm super stoked.

Also, Tanis arrives two days after said birthday, and I'm really rushing to get everything done. Clear out that spare room, get a key cut, clean the whole place, etc. I also realized it smells like catfood in here. Sorry, Tanis =/

Now, a poem that was on the bus:

You wake up
your son at two
in the morning
so the boy
the dog and you
can leave the city
drive to the beach
just out of town
where you lie in the sand
to watch the night sky.

Your three heads
touching in the dark.

I really love that last part there. I don't know why it gets me so much.

Childhood Home

I slept over at my mum's house for the first time since I left it. Strangely, I found that I didn't really miss being there. Maybe that was because I had to sleep on the couch and she was her same-old self that made me want to leave in the first place, but I think it's a good sign.

It was fucked though. I've lived in that house practically my whole life, and the whole time I just felt like I was in a stranger's house, albeit a stranger's house where I knew where everything was. It was kind of sad, really. I guess that chapter of my life is completely over.

I used to have horrible dreams about having to leave the house. I'd come home and all my belongings were gone, and we had to find a new house. It looked like it had when we first moved in: white walls, linoleum floor, bare rooms. It was always very traumatic to think I'd never come back.

I actually can remember what the house was like the first time we saw it. I think I was only about 3 years old, and we had just driven across the country from Toronto. I walked around on my own a bit, and it all looked so big! That's obviously because I was only 3 and the whole place was sans clutter, but still, I just remember being so impressed with it's vastness.

I know everything about that house. I know which stairs creak, and how to sneak soundlessly down them on Christmas morning to check out all the presents before mum and dad woke up. I know which heaters were broken, and which one was always the best one to stick your wet shoes by (the one in front of the stairs). I can pick out the sound of our gate slamming shut from all the others.
I know what the wind sounds like as it howls down the trails. I know where Rachel and Peter and I buried that dead bird that mysteriously wound up in our front yard, and which tree was the best for climbing. I know (through trial and error) how steep the path behind my house was, and that you should never stand on the back of a tricycle and go careening down it.

Clearly, I'm reminiscing about my childhood home, and it's very sad. I had a lot of crazy adventures in the forests and trails with the rest of the neighbourhood hoodlums. One time, we tried to make maple syrup by picking sticky sap off of trees and mixing it with boiling water. Another time, while playing on the merry-go-round that used to be in the playground (when there was a playground), we found a wooden... thing. It was like an African mask, but miniature and on a string, and we all thought it was cursed.

Oh my god! I just remembered the rock that was in the little copse of trees behind Diana's house, where we used to play house! There was this tree that grew weird pods and had little shriveled beans inside them. Oh man, we used to run all around that little area. Wow, I'd completely forgotten. It's very different looking now. They got rid of a lot of the old places I used to play as a kid.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Rooms and Radiolab

Aaah back to listening to Radiolab. It's been a long time, and it feels good to listen to something thought provoking again. First I listened to Strangers in the Mirror, a really interesting show about a disorder called prosopagnosia, or "face blindness". Basically, people with this disorder cannot recognize the faces of people around them. Say you go on a date with someone, and you laugh and have an amazing time with them all night. The next day, you run into them on the street, and you have no idea who this person is. They're talking about the good time you had last night, and you can remember laughing with someone at dinner, but you can't, for the life of you, recognize their face. Or, you've been married for years and years and years to your husband/wife, but you couldn't pick them out in a crowd. It's totally crazy. Can you imagine living your life like this? One of the men said he gives himself visual cues to help him remember people, like, the colour of their hair, or the way they move.

The other show I listened to was Deception, and it was, predictably, all about lying. They talked about facial expressions, and the minuscule hints our faces betray as to how we're really feeling, and how these can help you tell if someone is lying. They told a story about a woman named Hope, who was a pathological liar turned con artist, and how she affected the people she duped. And then they talked to a couple scientists who made this questionnaire full of questions that are typically true of almost everyone, but are embarrassing enough that very few people will admit to them being true. Questions like, "Have you ever wanted to kill yourself to get back at someone?" "Have you ever wanted to rape someone/be raped by someone?" "Do you enjoy your own bowel movements?" Things that you would answer positively to. The people who denied these questions are liars, but they found that these liars generally succeeded more in things like sports, business and working in teams. In the case of sports, they tell themselves "I am the best. I'm going to win this because I am better than everybody here." This may not necessarily be true, but they do end up doing better than the people who told the truth on the questionnaire.

Talking to my friend Bryce about bees now. Did they always know how to make hives, or did they learn it on their own?

All I've done today is wake up late and clean my room. I feel kind of pathetic, but glad I got the room cleaning out of the way. It's always so satisfying when the job is finally done. The one thing I particularly like about this tiny room I have now is that it is so fucking easy to keep clean. There is one small closet, some space under my bed, and limited floorspace. I have 2 dressers, a bunk bed, a vanity and a bookshelf crammed in here. If I want to clean up, I don't generally have a sprawling mess on my hands, because there is nowhere for all of my things to sprawl. My old was at least 3 times the size of this, and that just meant there was 3 times the space for usless things. The closet was packed with a lot of clothes that weren't even mine, old childhood belongings, our dress-up box, box's of I-don't-know-what, and just... ugh, it makes me all depressed when I think about it. I just didn't like being in my room because it had gotten to a point where the clutter was uncontrollable, and even sleeping in it made me uncomfortable. But now, with my neat little space, I spend most of my time in it when I get home. I love how small it is. Those two pictures? In the one on the left, the picture was taken from the corner of my vanity near the door, and in the one on the left, the picture was taken from right in front of my closet. It is a small, small space, but I really do love it.

I ended up falling asleep at 6 am last night (this morning?). It's very hard to fall asleep when there's light streaming through your window. I want to buy like, those sleep masks. My new insomniac self would find them incredibly handy.

But I think I'd just hit rock bottom last night. No more of this shit. I remember when it started. I'd routinely stay up until 1, then 2, 3, more recently 4, and then, in the last few days, 5 and now 6. Fuck! But no more! Tonight I will make myself go to bed by 1 am at the very latest. I have a note taped to one of the shelves in my room that says "GO TO BED BEFORE 1 AM MORON!". Not that I listen to it much.


Yes, I know I spelled 'before' wrong.

Party planning, preparing for Tanis' arrival. I was stressing out about cleaning out the spare room, but when my dad and I took a look at it, most of it is just his tools, which he can easily cart away to his storage, and empty cardboard boxes, which we have a million of for some reason. Then a little vacuuming, and ta-da, should be good as new.

Also, trying to get back into drawing my comic again. I wish I could tell you what it's about, but I don't want someone to steal my idea! Paranoia! All I can do is give you one of the sources of my inspiration:

In the afterlife, you relive all your experiences, but this time with the events re-shuffled into a new order. You see, all the moments that share a quality are grouped together.

For instance, you spend 2 months driving the street in front of your house. 7 months having sex. You sleep for 30 years without opening your eyes. For 5 months straight you flip through magazines while sitting on a toilet. You take all your pain at once, all 27 intense hours of it (bones break, cars crash, skin is cut, babies are born). But once you make it through, it’s agony free for the rest of your afterlife.
That doesn’t always mean it’s pleasant. I mean, you spend 6 days clipping your nails, 15 months looking for lost items, 18 months waiting in line, 2 years of boredom (staring out a bus window, sitting in an airport terminal, waiting online).

One year reading books. Your eyes hurt though, and you itch because you can’t take a shower until it’s your time to take your marathon 200 day shower.

2 weeks wondering what happens when you die, 1 minute realizing your body’s falling, 77 hours of confusion, 1 hour realizing you’ve forgotten someone’s name, 3 weeks realizing you’re wrong, 2 days lying, 6 weeks waiting for a green light, 7 hours vomiting, 14 minutes experiencing pure joy.

3 months doing laundry, 15 hours writing your signature, 2 days tying shoelaces... 67 days of heartbreak. 5 weeks driving lost, 3 days calculating restaurant tips, 51 days deciding what to wear, 9 days pretending you know what is being talked about, 2 weeks counting money, 18 hours staring into the refrigerator, 34 days longing, 6 months watching commercials, 4 weeks sitting in thought, wondering if there’s something better I could be doing with my time... 3 years swallowing food, 5 days working buttons and zippers, 4 minutes wondering what your life would be like if you re-shuffled the order of events.

In this part of the afterlife you imagine something analogous to your earthly life, and the thought is blissful. A life where episodes are split into tiny, swallow able pieces: Moments do not endure, where one experiences the joy of jumping from one event to the next like a child, hopping from spot to spot on the burning sand.

Running Out of Time

This last week of June is starting to feel just a little bit too hectic for my tastes.

For one thing, it's my birthday on the 29th. I will be turning 20 years old. I'm pretty excited about it, actually. Max has something planned for the day, but he won't tell me what. Then, on the 30th, I'm going to spend the whole day prepping for the birthday party. And finally, on July 1st, I'm having my BBQ Birthday Bonanza! At least, that's what I called it in the Facebook event.
I'm a mixture of nervous/excited, actually. Nervous because me and parties generally do not mix, but excited because the food is going to be awesome! I'm sure I already wrote this down on here before, but I'm going to do it again:

  • beef/hot italian sausage burgers. Some will be stuffed with cheese
  • salmon burgers
  • hot dogs
  • potato salad
  • cherry tarts with crumble top
  • my grandmothers chocolate cake, with chocolate mousse as frosting, with fresh raspberries
That's just the most important stuff. I'll have chips and shit around as well, but my god, it sounds good. I've actually simplified the menu quite a bit, so I'm not spending a million bucks for my own birthday. I'm really, really looking forward to the cake, ever since I thought of the mousse as frosting.

Also, I just realized today that I don't have infinite time to sort out my spare room for Tanis. I kept thinking, "Oh, I've got like 2 weeks until she gets here". Nope. She's arriving the same day as my party. Fuuuuck. Not that it's a huge problem, it just feels like all of a sudden, everything is speeding towards me.

Okay, it's taken me like an hour to write only those meager paragraphs. It's like, 5:15 am and I really can't think straight anymore. I keep zoning out to look at my favourite sites, like Maneki Collection, this cute website that sells beautiful, beautiful things. One day I'm just going to get a credit card (or a whole bunch of prepaid credit cards, which seems more probable) and buy everything on there.

Damn, there was honeslty more important things I was going to talk about. Ah well. Maybe another time, when it's not 5 in the morning.

PS. I'm fucking addicted to Passion Pit right now, particularly Better Things, Fold In Your Hands and Moth's Wings. There's something wild and different about these songs, that make me want to leap and scream and laugh and cry all at the same time.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Craziness and Me

For a long time now, I've suspected that I had Adult ADHD.

Predominantly inattentive type symptoms may include:
  • Be easily distracted, miss details, forget things, and frequently switch from one activity to another
  • Have difficulty focusing on one thing
  • Become bored with a task after only a few minutes, unless doing something enjoyable
  • Have difficulty focusing attention on organizing and completing a task or learning something new
  • Have trouble completing or turning in homework assignments, often losing things (e.g., pencils, toys, assignments) needed to complete tasks or activities
  • Not seem to listen when spoken to
  • Daydream, become easily confused, and move slowly
  • Have difficulty processing information as quickly and accurately as others
  • Struggle to follow instructions.

Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive type symptoms may include:

  • Fidget and squirm in their seats
  • Talk nonstop (when I get the chance, lol)
  • Dash around, touching or playing with anything and everything in sight
  • Have trouble sitting still during dinner, school, and story time
  • Be constantly in motion
  • Have difficulty doing quiet tasks or activities.

and also these manifestations primarily of impulsivity:

  • Be very impatient
  • Blurt out inappropriate comments, show their emotions without restraint, and act without regard for consequences
  • Have difficulty waiting for things they want or waiting their turns in games
Now, I don't have many of the hyperactive-impulsive symptoms, but that's a loooot of inattentive symptoms that are bolded up there. So maybe I just have ADD? This isn't the first time I've suspected it. I wondered in highschool a lot if I had some kind of weird issue.

Wow, as I dig deeper in Wikipedia, there are a lot of pages that sound pretty much exactly like me. There's ADHD predominantly inattentive (ADHD-PI), and Adult attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Hahaha, oh man, it's actually funny reading the symptoms because they just sound so much like me. In the chart for adult attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, I would be on the inattentive side and that is like, seriously spot on. Also, for the adult ADHD, it is "often associated with psychiatric comorbidities as depression, anxiety disorder..." and oh man, do I have me some o' that.

You know, I've always assumed I was crazy, and I guess I was right. Do you know I do this bizarre thing, that when people call out my name, I get really surprised for a second and think "Oh yeah! That's right, my name is Lisa!" It happens all the time. It's not really like I forget what my name is. It's more like, I'm not used to being called that, and... yeah, it's fucking crazy, I know.

I also regularly hallucinate that people have accents when they totally don't. Like, I'll say hello to a customer at work, and when they reply I think "Oh, they're English/Scottish/Australian/German (these are the most common accents I 'hear')". And then when I talk to them again, I'm like "Oh wow, they toootally have no accent at all." It's really fucking weird. Most recently it happened on Wednesday at the movie theatre.

Last night, I was watching this insane Korean movie called "I'm A Cyborg, But That's OK", which was billed as a "romantic comedy/surrealist film" and honestly, I think only Korean people could pull off that kind of pairing. Have you ever watched Korean dramas on TV? They are seriously fucked, but awesome at the same time. So I was not disappointed by this movie. The main character is Young-goon, a young woman who believes she is a cyborg, and gets sent to a sanitorium where she meets another patient, Il-sun, who overcomes his own craziness by trying to make her get better. It's a really cool movie, I have to say. I'm going to attempt to buy it somewhere so I can watch it more.

There was a line Young-goon said in the movie, though I can't remember exactly how it went. She was listening to a "radio broadcast" (which she was just hallucinating) talking about how machines such as vending machines and refrigerators are lucky, because they know their one true purpose in life, and Young-goon kind of mutters about how she wished she only had one true purpose in life, and I almost started crying, because I feel the same way.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Survey

When you're really thirsty, what do you enjoy drinking most?
Honestly, just ice water.

What do you find inspirational in the world?

The little things that people tend to not notice. A picture someone drew on a wall, a gesture, a conversation between strangers on the bus...

What do/did you think of your high school?:
Gaaaaaaaaaaay.

Where do you do your grocery shopping?

Mostly Famous Foods now, because I'm there all the time anyway.

Do you still have a VHS player?

Hahaha, ohhh man. I think my dad has a DVD/VHS player, but it's been a long time since I've actually watched a VHS movie.

Why is it that photography is becoming a trend?

Because digital cameras are fairly affordable and you don't have to be a pro to use one.

Don't you hate it when one of your earbuds stops working?

Don't you hate it when the rubber nubs fall off the ends of your earbuds, making them a million time uncomfortable?

Do/did you take foods classes in high school?
Only the mandatory one in Grade 8. Wish I'd taken more though.

Do you enjoy making hemp necklaces and bracelets?:

Not particularly?

What is your favourite bookstore?
Whatever's around.

How can we tell if you are in a bad mood?

You can't. You may never know. I don't always broadcast how I'm feeling, because I don't like being a whiny little bitch.

How are you when you're in a really good mood?:

I laugh a lot.

When you're bored in class, what do you do?

Draw, daydream.

Have you ever changed yourself to fit in better?

Probably, but not completely. I'll take a fad and modify it to my own standards.

Do you keep old shoeboxes?

Oh my god, yes. And fill them with important things.

What is something about you that is typical to someone of your gender?

I wear skirts and dresses all the time, I love shopping, clothes, cooking, shoes, cute things, pink, etc.

What about something atypical?

Zombies, video games, camping, comic books, camping and other such things.

Are you similar to what your starsign says you should be?

Heather said "as a cancer im sapposed to be an overly caring home based person. a little mama trying to make everyone happy." Secretly, that is exactly what I am like.

When asked to help make dinner, would you make the starter,main or dessert?

All of it. I love, love, love cooking.

What did you have for lunch?
I have no idea. Uhhhh rice crackers?

What's your least favourite thing about people your own age?

They just want to get drunk all the time, and watch terrible TV shows.

Name a really popular television show you never got into:

Lost, Gossip Girls, Sex and the City, Desperate Housewives... pretty much all of them.

What was the best thing that happened today?

Went shopping at Value Village with Heather and bought a cute shirt, and took a 3 hour nap.

Were you one of those kids who were proud when they had a bruise?

Oh man, I'm still like that.

1. When was the last time you attended a funeral? Do you remember what the weather was like on that day?
I was 15, and it was a man I'd never known about until he was dead; a friend of my father's named Quepert (for reals). It was decent weather, I think it was May, but the whole funeral freaked the fuck out of me. He looked like, really dead, like they hadn't tried to pretty his corpse up or anything. His skin was all grey, and just blaargh it totally scarred me.

2. During the last winter, what was the largest amount of snowfall you experienced? Is this more or less than you have witnessed in other years?

Shit, did it even snow this winter? Last winter was murder, but this winter was a pussy.

3. Have you ever had a particularly uneventful birthday celebration? What caused it to be less than exciting?

Probably my 14th or 15th birthday. I don't remember them at all, so I'm assuming they sucked.

5. What was the last life-changing decision you made, and what prompted that decision?

Hahaha, fuck, I have no idea.

6. If you currently have a job, how long do you think you will continue working there?
Until I get bored. I don't have anything against being there for another year, but I refuse to work at Famous Foods for more than 2 years.

7. Is where your food comes from and the quality of your food important to you?
Not really? I mean, I don't want to eat radioactive food, but I'm not a stickler for the whole local/organic thing.

8. When was the last time you attended a place of worship? Was this of your own volition, or did someone make you come along?

For my cousins wedding. It was in a Catholic church. I'm not a big religion fan, but it was okay.

11. What was the last expensive thing you saved up for? Was it worth all that time and effort?

School, and no, it was not worth any of my time or effort.

12. If/When you go to college, will you have to pay for it out of your own pocket? If not, how will you be covering the expenses?

I will probably get a student loan or something.

13. When was the last time you did any sort of yardwork? Do you tend to mind that sort of physical activity, or would you prefer to avoid it?
I can't remember when I did it last, but I like stuff like that anyway.

14. How bad was your last sunburn? Did it peel at all?

Oh, it was sooooo so bad. Like, fucking bright red all over, because I'm a genius and I thought I didn't need sunscreen because it was so overcast.

15. How many times have you cried since 2o1o has begun? Which times were the worst?

A lot in the end of March/beginning of April. But otherwise, that's all.

21. Do you ever shop at thrift stores? What do you think of those that do shop at such places? Do you have any issue with wearing pre-owned clothing?

I don't have an issue with pre-owned clothing, but I normally have problems finding things in my size, so I don't do it very often.

23. When was the last time you did something with one of your parents? Do you enjoy spending time with them, or would you rather hang out with someone else?
Dunno. Can't think of anything specific.

24. Who was the last person to be there for you when you needed them? Do you appreciate this person and their efforts? Would you be likely to be there for them in return?

Pfft, I don't need anyone.

27. If you want a tattoo, do you sit with the design idea for awhile to make sure it is what you really want? In your opinion, how big of a decision is getting a tattoo?

Once I figured out what I want, it's just a manner of saving the money and making an appointment. I guess it is a big decision, but like, if you really really REALLY hate it, just get it lasered off.

28. Do you feel more comfortable with the idea of getting pierced or tattooed (if those are things you want, anyway)? Why might you feel that way?
Tattooed. I love my nose piercing, but the idea of punching holes through your skin makes me feel a little ill.

29. How has your weight changed in the past few months? Do you tend to eat more or less as the weather warms up?

I'm just fat.

3o. Do you have a distinct springtime where you live?

Totally, although I didn't notice it so much this year.

32. Does it ever make you anxious to eat in front of others? Do you ever watch the way others eat?

Hahaha, omg yes. I have to take out my retainer when I eat, so that makes me triple anxious. I eat very carefully when I'm with others. I do watch other people as their eating, but it makes me feel sick sometimes. I dunno, when you really watch someone chewing, it's gross looking.

34. Who is someone you hope you never have to see again?
Wow. Uhhh, nobody, I think?

36. Is there a hobby you want to pick up or get back into; one that you have not done in awhile?

My trombone! I miss you, baby :(

39. Is staying a night out in the wild at all appealing to you? Why/why not?
It is, actually. I dunno, it'd be kind of cool to be on your own, and get back to your animal roots and whatnot.

4o. What are some summer aromas that you enjoy?
Water on hot pavement.

41. How good are you when it comes to sticking to a practice routine (for an instrument, et cetera)? Do you ever feel unmotivated to practice? If so, how do you deal with that sensation?

Not very good at all. I'm awfully flighty.

42. Are you happier this year, or were you happier last year at this time? What changed in your life to account for your mood, if anything?
I think I'm happier this year, but I don't know why.

45. Do you mind windy days, or being out in the wind?

LOOOVE windy days. Put on a dress and head out for a walk with my hair down. Awesome.

49. What are some things that are different about this summer compared to the last one? Do you think you'll enjoy yourself more this year, or will last year have the upper hand?
I'm older, and I'm trying to actually hang out with my friends more. Going to drinking establishments, parties, and housesitting my dad's place on my own for a whole month.

5o. Have you ever encountered any wildlife while camping, hiking, or simply being out of doors? What is the coolest thing that you have seen in the wild? In general, are wild animals frightening or interesting to you?

I saw a bear cub once while I was driving. Further down the road, I saw it's dead mother, being hoisted away by hunters. Not cool, just very sad.

52. Would you rather spend time in your back yard or your front yard? What influenced your decision?
I only really have a backyard, but it's nice. Lot's of grass, table and chairs, pool table and vegetable garden.

Birthdays, Limos and The Blarney Stone

Okay, so I typically despise women that complain about, well, being a woman, and periods and such, so in silent protest, I rarely talk or complain or get all bitchy about it. But this, ladies and gentleman, is an exception. I feel like dying. All day at work I was either going to pass out, fall over from being dizzy or puke. I have never felt so terrible on my period before. And to make matters worse, it was HOT today. That muggy, in-your-face Vancouver heat. I just felt sticky and sweaty and sick all day.

Saw Heather, and then we went shopping in the lovely, air conditioned Value Village, where I bought one top that is super adorable, walked home, and then took a fucking 3 hour nap. I woke up at 9:30, and you know what? I could probably still sleep for another 8 hours. Seriously, I feel awful.

As nothing of interest has happened.... WAIT! Something did happen! Chiara's birthday!

It was soooo much fun. First, we had dinner in the most pretentious-looking Cactus Club I have ever been in. There was like, brocade wallpaper, elaborate chandeliers and huge portraits of people like Napoleon on the walls. The food was good, and the people were all great. There was the birthday girl, Chiara, and then Eniko, Brianna, Carla, Matt and Maria. Karina was supposed to come to, but she forgot about it apparently.
After dinner, we drove around in a limo for an hour. I'd actually never been in one, and it was really fun. Everyone (except Matt, Maria and myself) got fairly drunk, and screamed out the window at people, which was highly amusing. At one point, all the girls insisted the driver stop so they could go to the bathroom, so it was just me and Matt in the limo. We immediately changed the radio station to... well, anything would have been okay, it was terrible music. Matt just hit the preset button, and it was some French station, that had actually really cool music. Then, we talked about books. The only thing I know how to talk about. I love meeting someone else who loves books as much as I do. He's also read one of my favourites, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, by Milan Kundera, and also suggested I read one of Kundera's other books called... Immortality, I think. Now I can't remember.
And then, ladies and gentlemen, I went to a pub for the first time in my adult life, The Blarney Stone. It was so, so, so much fun. It was loud, and the music was good, and I had a surprisingly good time. Cerina showed up too, so I hung around with her a lot. There was this drunk English guy named Simon, who was just soooo fucking sloshed, it was actually kind of gross. He told us in his English accent/drunkeness that he had been drinking since 9 am that morning, because of the England vs. USA game.
I had to leave early, but I promised everyone I would come back with them next time and actually dance (and drink??)

And I stole a survey that Heather had done on her blog, so I'll just post it in a new, er, post.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Fifa and Outfits

FIFAAAAAAA!

In case you hadn't noticed, the World Cup has kicked off! Needless to say, I'm cheering for the Italian team. Evviva la Azzurris! The Azzurris, since you probably don't know, are the Italian national football team. And I'm sure some of you will remember, Italy took it home during the last Fifa.

Also, suck it, Portugal.

I don't like how Portugal is the band wagon team. The only reason they are is thanks to the biggest vag in the world, Cristiano Ronaldo. He hogs the limelight and since the world clearly has a thing for unattractive momma's boys, his team became the favourite.

Again, Portugal. You suck.

I still don't know what to wear to Chiara's birthday! I know you all think this is very unimportant, but this is my first 'big kid' birthday party! I'm actually going to a drinking establishment, The Blarney Stone! Even though I won't drink anything unless someone buys something for me, it's a big deal! Also, I want to look as old as possible, because I hate getting asked to show my ID. It's not that I don't have any, it's just that it's my passport, which is so unspeakably lame. I don't have a drivers license or any other BC ID, so I have to bring my passport along for the ride. Also, I hate using it because the picture is from when I was 15, and it was suuuuch a bad day for having my picture taken. I look awful and literally retarded. SO, I'm hoping that if I can actually manage to look my age for once, no one will ask me for my ID.

An old man fell in love with me today. Well, not old, just kind of dumpy, middle-aged and Latino. He came to the deli and asked for 200g of Quinoa and Grilled Vegetable salad, and was suuuper annoying. When he brought it through Cristina's till, he asked if she had a fork, and she told him he had to go back to the deli to ask for one. He then apparently got this huge grin on his face and said "Oh, to the most beautiful girl in the whole world?"
Whyyyy do I only attract unattractive people? It's not fair. If I'm supposed to be as beautiful as all these creepy people say I am, why don't other beautiful people tell me so?

Watching a program about Africa on CBC. I'd really love to go there someday.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Pretty Clothes and Memento Mori's

Different! The blog is different now! Thanks, Blogspot, for updating your templates. This is ver, ver pretty.

Threw more money at my addiction today. Goddamn you, Forever 21! Stop making the fucking cutest things ever! And yet again, I cannot find any pictures on their website. Anyway, I can assure they're both very cute.

But now I have a bigger problem. What the fuck am I going to wear to Chiara's birthday party?!
No, this is very important. Always dress to impress. I've got two great choices:

One is a grey/blue tank top, with dark blue, grey and the same grey/blue coloured chiffon ruffles around the top. It goes to about mid-thigh, and was going to wear with it black leggings and black sandals. Hair down, pearl choker necklace.
The other option is nude coloured tank top with a black, decorated collar of black patterned silk, black sheer material and black beading. Then it has like, two long grey ribbons coming off the collar, that you tie around your neck. I was going to couple it with a high-waisted silky greys skirt with a black elastic band around the top, and the same black sandals. Hair in a high ponytail.

Thoughts?

Well, I don't think any of you will get back to me before I need to figure it out anyway, which is in 24 hours. Ohhhh well.

In other news, want to see some seriously creepy shit? These photos are called 'memento mori's, which means "Remember you must die." Another weird thing they used to do back in the day, but I find these pictures more sad than creepy. Especially the ones of the little kids, and there are a lot of those, unfortunately. In that link, I think the 6th one is the saddest. The little girls look like twins, and they gave the dead one a doll. Also, it's kind of fucked that they had the siblings of the dead kid pose with them. Life scarring much?
People still do things like these though. I'm fairly sure one of my aunts has a photo of my nonna in her coffin. My mother took the less morbid road, and has a picture of her parents headstones in her room somewhere. I remember I was there when she took it. Now, I don't think I would take pictures of any dead bodies, but I can understand having a picture of the headstones. I'd probably take one of my parents in the (very distant) future. I guess it's the European in me. They do crazy things like that.

Since we're already on the topic of weird postmortem traditions, let's talk about cremation. I was just watching The Edge of Darkness with my dad the other day, which was actually a pretty good movie. However, there's this one scene where Mel Gibson holds his daughters ashes in her hands, and it creeped me out so bad.
When you're buried, okay, you're dead, but your body's still around, so technically you still exist. But when you're cremated, that's it. You've been erased from the face of the Earth completely, forever. And that just seems so bizarre and kind of scary to me.

I've always had this weird preoccupation with death, ever since I first realized my own mortality at about 12 years old. At that age, I just couldn't fathom the idea of not existing, and the absence of consciousness. It was just a very weird thought. I still think about it.

My, what a cheery post! Compliments the new profile layout, dontcha think?

Question: How old were you when you first realized your own mortality?

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

A Busy, Busy Day

Blaaaargh. I am a lazy, terrible blogger.

It's been like, a week since I've updated, but nothing interesting has happened! I keep wanting to write more, but I just wake up, go to work, etc.

Well, actually...

On Sunday, it was pretty normal. Woke up from staying over at Max's house, went to work together, worked a nice 1:30 to 7:30 shift. Dad picked me up, we went on a shopping spree at Superstore, and when I finally got home, I wearily collapsed in front of my computer, trying to rub the sleep away from my face. I touched the left side of my nose and thought "That's funny! I thought my nose piercing was on this side!" Upon inspecting the other side of my nose, I found it wasn't there either!

The fucking stud had fallen out.

Yup. It was just gone. Hell, I think it was gone all day and I just never noticed. Before, I'd woken up with the stud just kind of hanging out, so it was probably lost while I was sleeping. And I'm just so used to it, I wouldn't have noticed when I looked in the mirror that morning. No one else noticed either.

So I panicked, and tried to make a nose ring out of an old earring to keep the hole open, so I wouldn't have to get it totally re-pierced. I kept it in all night and for part of the next day, but took it out at work because 1) it looked fucking stupid, and 2) I was paranoid about it getting infected.

So, after a 6 hour shift that absolutely killed my feet, I walked a couple blocks to the bank and deposited a nice $600 cheque. Then I walked from there to Nanaimo Station (not a small distance) to catch the skytrain downtown, to head over to Adrenaline to get a new nose stud. On the way, I noticed that my iPod was spazzing out. It would be playing just fine, and then pause on it's own. When I pressed any button, or took the hold off, for a split second it made a horrible sound like someone punching a guitar, and then began playing again from where it left off. This happened a few times. (I'm happy to say that it seems to be back to normal now).

So, got on the skytrain, and was eyed by some really creepy brown guys the whole time. It didn't help that I was wearing the most padded bra I own (actually, the only padded bra I own, lol) or that my dress had a bit of a V-neck style plunge to it, OR that my tits are huge. So we both got off at Granville, and the walked in front of me and kept looking over their shoulders and giving me the sleaziest looks. I started making faces like this at them

|:(

Haha, that's pretty much right. Just like, scowl/sneer/what-the-FUCK-do-you-think-you're-looking-at looks. They eventually left me alone. But then later, as I was waiting at the bus stop to go back to Famous Foods, this equally creepy brown guy was literally hanging out of the window of his car, leering at me with this creepy smile. Seriously? Learn how to pick up women, fags.

Anyway. Downtown.

It was hot. The first really hot day of the year, I think. Didn't help that I was wearing thick black leggings and socks. I don't do very well in the heat, and I was sweating like a pig, it was gross. Adrenaline is like, a million miles away too. So I trudged all the way there, and nervously looked around at the nose jewelery.
Now, the thing I love about Adrenaline is that everyone there is so fucking friendly. I was there for maybe 2 minutes, and this (adorable) guy was at my side, asking if I needed any help. After talking to him, I waited 5 minutes, and then a girl (wish I could remember her name) with her dimples pierced called my name, and the whole procedure only took another 5 minutes. I didn't need to get it re-pierced, but I did need to get it strecthed open. She used a taper, which is a thin, blunt piece of metal (not very thin, actually) and pushes that into the whole, widening it, and then pulls it out and quickly sticks the stud in. Holy god, it hurt even more than getting it pierced. But it was in, and I was happy.

After I had completed this task, I realized it was too hot for socks, so I went to Payless and bought 2 pairs of sandals, and put one pair on after I'd bought them. Upon stepping outside, I felt immediately better. Summer is nice when you have a new pair of sandals on your feet.

But my day wasn't done yet. Took the Canada Line to the Langara stop, caught the 49 bus, took it to Knight, crossed the street and took the 22 home. Was home for a whopping total of 10 minutes, then caught the 22 up the hill again (and got the same bus driver as when I came down, lol). Accidentally got off 2 stops early, but then enjoyed a nice walk back to Famous Foods for some grocery shopping. Got a nice piece of salmon, some brussel sprouts, other treats, and a bunch of cheese, cold cuts and olives for the Links party tonight. Collected my tupperwares from the back (oh yeah, I had baked everyone at work coconut custard tarts) and went off home again, getting home at the same time as my dad.

PHEW. It was a busy day.

And to make this post even longer, let me tell you about my birthday party!
It's going to be a BBQ party at my mum's house, and there's going to be so much food! here's the menu:

  • buffalo burgers
  • beef/hot italian sausage burgers
  • salmon burgers (for the vegetarians)
  • hot dogs (and chicken dogs for amina)
  • potato salad
  • chips
  • cherry tarts
  • rose and pistachio cake
Now, I know that last one sounds funny, but you should see the picture in my cookbook. It looks amazing. I reaaaally want to make it.

Anyway, too much typing. I've got to do laundry, have a shower, clean my room, get the cold cuts ready for the lame party tonight, and yeah. Peace it.

PS. The lame party of which I speak is the Birthday Party Party, my brainchild. Last year I said our Rangers group should have a party to celebrate my birthday, and they we're like "lol no" so I said "Let's have a party to celebrate all of our birthdays!" They liked the idea. Of course, I ended up being in Toronto for it, so I missed it. This year the stupid Links group I'm in is having another one... but they gave it a theme.
The theme is "a sleepover".

You fucking morons! The theme for the Birthday Party Party is supposed to be (wait for it) A FUCKING BIRTHDAY PARTY. I'm not dressing up in my fucking pyjamas and bringing my stuffed bear with my. Good christ, you idiots, way to ruin everything. I'm going to be wearing a party dress and not slippers, thank you very much.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Recap

A bunch of stuff has happened, but I've been too lazy.

I was offered the chance at another job, as airport security. Not cool airport security, with like, guns and shit. The same job that Jay Baruchel had in She's Out of My League. Just the person that tells you when to walk through the metal detector and uses the wand thing on you. The pay would be $14 and hour plus benefits, and probably some awesome flight deals on the side, but at the same time... I really don't think it's something I would enjoy. The money would be great, but enjoying my job means a lot to me. The money honestly isn't worth it if I have to go to work every day thinking "Fuck this." So instead, I told Max about it and he seems interested. Hope he gets it!

Watched MacGruber with Max yesterday, and I have to say that is hilarious! There were some parts that were kind of weird, or like they were trying too hard, but overall I thought it was totally worth the watch. Will Forte is seriously funny. He also did the voice of Abe in Clone High, which is the greatest cartoon ever. I give MacGruber an 8 out of 10.

Oh, in case you hadn't realized, Max came home from globetrotting! First he was in DC, then in San Juan, and it sounds like he had a seriously awesome time. I went to meet him at the airport. His flight got in at 11:49, and I got there at about 10:50, hahaha. I wanted to get there early so I would have plenty of time to find his gate. Of course, it took me only about 15 minutes to locate it, and then I sat around for another hour. But it was all worth it to see Max coming around the corner. It was fun meeting someone at the airport, and being there so late! I felt like a grown up :D

Today was Rachel's graduation ceremony! It was sooo long and boring though. The only decent speech was that of the valedictorian. Kind of funny. Everyone else's was so long winded and pathetic, especially the student's counselor. And there were about 400 kids in her graduating class, which meant the whole handing out of the certificates took forever.
Wanna know something cool (aka, lame)? I read an entire book before the ceremony was even over (it was about 3 hours). Granted, the book was only 126 pages long, but still. I thought that was pretty impressive.

Speaking of this book, it's called Sulphuric Acid, and it's written by Amélie Nothomb, one of my new favourite writers as of tonight. In the book, a reality show is set up, called Concentration. There are prisoners and prison guards, and it is basically the same set up as a concentration camp. Almost exactly. The prisoners are all people who rounded up at random in raids, all tattooed with identification numbers and loaded into trains. They pick out the weak, the old, the lame, and the women with small children and any other child, actually, and kill them off. Like, for real. Then you're assigned in groups and set to do hard labour. They feed you shit, and they treat you like shit.
The main character is a girl, the same age as me, named Pannonique, and the antagonist is a girl, the same age, named Zdena. Pannonique is a prisoner, and is beautiful, intelligent and stoic. Zdena is a prison guard (or kapo), who is plain, dull and delusional (although she's redeemed at the end). Some of it was very harrowing, and very sad, and very fucked up, but it was a really good story. I won't give away what else happened in case you want to read it yourselves though.

Alright, that's about all that's been going on. A shoutout to Tanis: keep your chin up, buddy! Don't worry, you've always got my place to stay at. I may be a callous bitch, but I always help out a friend in need.

Peace it.