Tuesday, October 5, 2010

After Thoughts and It Gets Better

I want to add a story to my previous entry, "Amazing Accidents". You see, I myself was an accident.

I was a broken condom.

It's nothing worthy of a soap opera. My parent's had already been married for 3 years, and knew they wanted kids. They hadn't decided when, but they knew that one day they wanted some. Well, let's make an awkward story short and get to the point: I, their first child, was an accident. The condom broke, and 9 months later I showed up. I am an accident.

But am I any less significant because of that? Does my life have to have any less meaning? Nope.

I also want to take a moment here to talk about Dan Savage's It Gets Better Project. There was a 15 year-old boy named Billy Lucas, and he killed himself because kids in his school bullied him for being gay. So Dan Savage launched this project. He's asked any LGBT folk out there (and straight people) to make videos on post them on Youtube, telling all the hopeless queer kids out there that life gets better. They talk about how they were bullied, how leaving high school made everything better, how awesome their lives are now and how GLAD they are that they didn't kill themselves. I think it's such a beautiful and refreshing idea.

And not to draw attention away from the horrible treatment the gay people of the world are receiving from the shitheads and the biggots, but high school is hard for everyone. I myself hated high school. I experienced all my bullying at a much younger age, so I was tougher than most when I started high school, but it was still hard. There was this one girl, when I was in grade 11, who hated me for some reason. I had honestly never said more than 2 words to her. She was in my Sociology class and my PE class, and didn't stop herself from letting me know that she did not like me at all. That was the only tough time I'd directly recieved from another person during my teenage years. I knew there were other people, though, who said things.

I was an unabashedly weird kid. I dressed differently, I spoke differently, I didn't like the same things that everybody else liked. I loved English and books, and wrote in my spare time and didn't drink or do any drugs or go to parties. And there were people who didn't appreciate that. I was fortunate that no one except that one girl ever said those things to my face, but I could feel it. I felt very alienated from everyone, including my friends. I felt very powerless.

I would daydream about being older. All I wanted in life was to graduate, to go to college, to get a job and have a boyfriend. I know. How much more boring could I be. But it was the experiences I would dream about. The freedom of learning whatever I wanted in college. How awesome it would be to have my own money, to furnish my life with my own pretty things, and things that I thought were valuable. To experience love!

I know it sounds silly, but the first time I deposited my paycheque into my bank account from my first job, I was ecstatic. Since then I have paid for a trip to Toronto for 2 weeks, helped pay for college, and by myself the prettiest clothes, like omg. But more importantly, I've started to feel comfortable with myself. And that started pretty much immediately after I graduated high school.

One of the most important things that happened to me in high school was at the end of grade 10. Suddenly, I was like "Wait. Who gives a fuck what other people think about me? FUCK other people!" And that was so incredibly freeing. And I've carried that attitude with me, and it has helped IMMENSELY.

I feel like I've strayed from the topic a bit, but what I'm trying to say is IT GETS BETTER. Gay, lesbian, bi, trans, straight, whatever. Life will get so much better if you just give it a chance to.

No comments:

Post a Comment