Monday, October 17, 2011

Disappointing Marks and Midterm Week

Le sigh. I am always so busy now.

Midterm week starts tomorrow, and I have a million things to do:

-4 paintings to be completed by tomorrow (Pretty much done with this. Just need to finish up two of them)
-Ceramics project needs to be finished by Wednesday (Constructed, just need to etch design tomorrow)
-Design project needs to be finished (A dumb gray scale. Not too much to do, just making colour swatches and mixing colours. Working on this tomorrow and Wednesday night)
-SIX drawings to be finished for Friday (I am most concerned about these. I think it'll be alright though. I have tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday to do this).
-A redo of a drawing that I messed up a little bit, due Friday (a bunch of other people messed it up too, though, so I'm not too upset)

I was a little frustrated with drawing the other day, actually. The day started off great. We talked and reviewed previous drawings for an hour, and then the teacher sent us outside for 3 hours to draw trees. So me and 4 other people (Sarah, Aidan, Miriam and Dimos) walked over to the golf course and found a bench that perfectly fit all five of us and our drawing boards. We then proceeded to totally goof around for three hours, and had a blast.

The teacher was posting out midterm marks that day, and earlier he had told us that he doesn't give out A's at midterm because he doesn't want it to go to our heads, or some other equally retarded reason. So the highest mark anyone can have right now is a B+. So I go and check my mark, and what do I have? B.

Yes, I realize that I am totally, 100% insane, that a B is still a really good mark if the highest is a B+. I used to make fun of kids like this in high school, who would get all upset that they didn't get an A when they got a B. I had always coasted in high school, because the marks that I got without putting any effort into it were still pretty decent. But I understand now. This is the first time in my life that I've actually worked hard at something, and I want it to show! So why the fuck don't I have a B+? I'm not going to lie to you; I was actually so upset that I almost started crying. I felt like I was going to punch somebody.

Every time we reviewed our drawings in class, mine always got compliments like "fantastic" and "perfect" from the teacher. So WHY. WHY isn't it showing? I know that I'm a complete lunatic, but I need to know why. I think I might go ask him about it, but I don't want him to realize just how much of a crazy person I am. Plus, he won't be back a school until Thursday, so I just have to sit and stew and seethe over it until then.

In other less-deranged news, I'm getting glasses! My long distance vision has been getting worse over the last year, especially now that school started. With work and school, nothing is ever more than a foot away from my face, so I'm always just looking at things that are close up. But when I have to look away from those things and look at things farther away, I get the most intense eye strain, headaches, dizziness and nausea. It's really horrible. So finally I figured that I should go and get my eyes checked, and now I'm getting glasses! Not fancy ones. I think they're kind of cute though. I hope they don't make me look too retarded. They're ready for pick-up today, but since I'm working all day, my mum said she would pick them up and bring them to me. Now I can show them off the all my friends. :B Haha, I'm such a dork.

Okay, this was just supposed to be a break from painting, but now I'm taking too long. Let's see what else is going on... Max's birthday is on the 24th and I STILL don't know what to get him, I'm not sure if I'm going to be anything for Hallowe'en, I'm going to go see West Side Story preformed live on the 26th, I got these 4 totally sick posters the other day (very pretty), Rachel got fired from her job, and I'm going to go visit Tanis and Christina in Florida in December!

Monday, October 10, 2011

Art And, Ugh, Feelings

I watched a movie called Art School Confidential just now, and I was able to finish watching it because it made me feel kind of depressed. Some eager little kid goes to art school and ends up getting totally discouraged from being a great artist like he wants to be, and starts trying to draw and paint according to what other people want. That's so LAME! I know it's just a movie, but I couldn't get over it. I was hoping for a feel good movie about a kid who goes to art school and then turns out alright after, because that's what I'm kind of hoping will happen to me.

I like school, I do, but there are certain things about it that are killing me. Like in painting. I'm not a big fan of painting anyway, but to top it off there's all this touchy-feely bullshit. The other day, our classes was about emotions, and how to paint emotion using colour, style and brushstrokes. Seemed solid enough, but it quickly degenerated into crap. First we had to name as many emotions as we could think of (pro tip: "hunger" is not an emotion, classmates) and then we had to pick one and paint the arrangement that the teacher had set up in the middle of the class according to that emotion. This ended up being a lot harder than I thought it would be and after two in class attempts, I decided to scrap them and try again at home. Just came up with a really great idea for that, actually. Anyway, it's stupid. When we were critiquing our self-portraits in class, people were saying the dumbest things. To quote one girl, "I feel like your painting is the cover of a book, and if I opened it I could read the story of your life." I seriously almost lost it in the middle of class. What the fuck?

I'm finding the things like this hard to swallow because, let's all face it, I'm not an emotional person. I never have been, and to be honest, I hope I never am. I don't get sad and think "I'm going to draw my feelings!" Sure, I have sat down with a sketchbook when I'm feeling a little blue, but that's because I enjoy drawing and it makes me feel better, not because I want to vomit up all my feelings on to paper.

I think it's because I'm not an artist in the way that all these other people want to be. I want to be a Kazu Kibuishi and a Lucy Knisely, not a Monet or Picasso.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Oh Yeah

Too busy... to blog...
Sense of guilt... growing stronger...

School eats up all my time now, and I'm too tired to ever write anything anymore. I'm going to try and get better at keeping up with things, though. I have a lot of homework that needs to be done (specifically a number of paintings, which are the bane of my existence), and I recently found an old book I had as a kid that's a sort of How To Make Comics thing. It's really for younger folk, but there are tons of helpful things in it, including career possibilities that you could pursue that would work with comics, a list of reference material and tons of links to websites that could prove most useful. I'm going to start making comics for real soon!

No time to report in about everything else just now. I've got work at 8 am tomorrow morning, which means it's time for bed. Soon though, my children! Soon.