Can't talk. Got Fallout: New Vegas. Consuming all my time.
Need to draw. Need to write. Need to eat.
Only New Vegas.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Reflections Of A Skyline
I don't have too much to say. I don't feel well today. Lady troubles are plaguing me.
I'm starting a project, where I'm going to make Christmas cards for people. I entered The Sketchbook Project, and received my moleskin sketchbook in the mail on the 22nd. My laptop was dead for 2 days, and is suddenly fixed. It's nevertheless going to go see the laptop doctor tomorrow. I've figured out that I'm an atheistic fundamentalist, and I'm okay with that. Max is getting his school life all sorted out, and it's making me anxious about mine. I've sent Peter and his girlfriend Janelle on a pizza run, and will have baked pasta and bbq chicken pizza soon.
Now, all of you have to watch this video. Just do it, please. And please, please oh please, if you do watch it, please comment. Comments are my lifeblood.
I'm starting a project, where I'm going to make Christmas cards for people. I entered The Sketchbook Project, and received my moleskin sketchbook in the mail on the 22nd. My laptop was dead for 2 days, and is suddenly fixed. It's nevertheless going to go see the laptop doctor tomorrow. I've figured out that I'm an atheistic fundamentalist, and I'm okay with that. Max is getting his school life all sorted out, and it's making me anxious about mine. I've sent Peter and his girlfriend Janelle on a pizza run, and will have baked pasta and bbq chicken pizza soon.
Now, all of you have to watch this video. Just do it, please. And please, please oh please, if you do watch it, please comment. Comments are my lifeblood.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Hobbies and Polysics
I know this is going to sound sick, but I like pushing myself to my limits.
Today, the only thing I ate was at 7:30pm. I went to Bau Chau's with Tanis and got my usual: #53 (2 deep fried rolls... I think they're spring rolls?) and #48 (a bowl of rice vermicelli, pork hash and a salad consisting of lettuce, bean sprouts, cucumber and carrot). They are my absolute favourites now. I daydream about them while I'm out and about.
But as I was saying.
I kind of enjoy the feeling. Same with being tired. I stay up late so I can feel like I'm... okay, I don't want to say "in control" because I KNOW how fucked up that sounds. I know, don't worry. I know this is screwed up. But I like it. It makes me feel stronger than everyone else. When you're tired, and you can feel your whole body weighing down on you, and the bags under your eyes. It makes finally going to bed so much sweeter. Same like that first bite after nothing all day. It makes everything just that much more delicious.
Also, Maria from work asked me if I'd lost weight yesterday :D (Read: No, I am not starving myself. I love food just as much as the next person. I'm just picky, and if there's nothing I like around, I don't eat).
Going to Long and McQuade later on to try and hunt down a music book from my high school Jazz Band days. I miss it so much sometimes. I still have dreams about playing. They're always weird. The slide is all stiff, the notes come out mangled, and I'm anxious and upset, but then I start freestyling a solo and everything is okay. I want to play again. Maybe I'll join a community band?
What I really need is a hobby. I've never been into anything the way you would be with a hobby. I mean, I love reading, and I write and doodle and fool around on the Internet a lot, but I wouldn't really call any of those 'hobbies'. Max has Magic, and Tanis has dancing, and Heather has sewing, and Rum has movies, but I have... nothing, really. It's kind of annoying. I've found journal entries and comic doodles from various years done by yours truly, all lamenting the absence of a definitive hobby.
Well, it's time for sleeps now, but before I go, I'm going to say that all of you have to listen to this Japanese band, Polysics. Start out with their song "I My Me Mine" and then "Electric Surfin' Go Go". Also, listen to "Rocket". That is all, and goodnight.
Today, the only thing I ate was at 7:30pm. I went to Bau Chau's with Tanis and got my usual: #53 (2 deep fried rolls... I think they're spring rolls?) and #48 (a bowl of rice vermicelli, pork hash and a salad consisting of lettuce, bean sprouts, cucumber and carrot). They are my absolute favourites now. I daydream about them while I'm out and about.
But as I was saying.
I kind of enjoy the feeling. Same with being tired. I stay up late so I can feel like I'm... okay, I don't want to say "in control" because I KNOW how fucked up that sounds. I know, don't worry. I know this is screwed up. But I like it. It makes me feel stronger than everyone else. When you're tired, and you can feel your whole body weighing down on you, and the bags under your eyes. It makes finally going to bed so much sweeter. Same like that first bite after nothing all day. It makes everything just that much more delicious.
Also, Maria from work asked me if I'd lost weight yesterday :D (Read: No, I am not starving myself. I love food just as much as the next person. I'm just picky, and if there's nothing I like around, I don't eat).
Going to Long and McQuade later on to try and hunt down a music book from my high school Jazz Band days. I miss it so much sometimes. I still have dreams about playing. They're always weird. The slide is all stiff, the notes come out mangled, and I'm anxious and upset, but then I start freestyling a solo and everything is okay. I want to play again. Maybe I'll join a community band?
What I really need is a hobby. I've never been into anything the way you would be with a hobby. I mean, I love reading, and I write and doodle and fool around on the Internet a lot, but I wouldn't really call any of those 'hobbies'. Max has Magic, and Tanis has dancing, and Heather has sewing, and Rum has movies, but I have... nothing, really. It's kind of annoying. I've found journal entries and comic doodles from various years done by yours truly, all lamenting the absence of a definitive hobby.
Well, it's time for sleeps now, but before I go, I'm going to say that all of you have to listen to this Japanese band, Polysics. Start out with their song "I My Me Mine" and then "Electric Surfin' Go Go". Also, listen to "Rocket". That is all, and goodnight.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Calmer and Keener
Okay, so I'll admit I was a little panicked yesterday. It happens to the best of us, but mostly to me. I just got a little overwhelmed with the prospect of writing things that people might actually read. Writing for yourself is fine and dandy, but all of that changes when you're writing for other people. Suddenly, the pressure is on. It's the same with pretty much anything. Art, dancing, singing, speaking... As soon as you start to do these things for other people, everything is a little scarier.
I did some good, old fashioned thinking today, and actually managed to think of a few things I could write about. I came up with:
- a how-to guide to making a Pikachu costume.
- various recipes
- how to strike up conversations with a stranger.
Meager, but there.
I also wanted to talk about how it bothers me that people fear the idea of us being a comic accident, but I feel that might be a little heavy for one of my first writings.
I'm reading again! I just finished Fool, by Christopher Moore tonight, which was obviously fantastic, and started on A Dog's Purpose, by W. Bruce Cameron. It's pretty good, but kind of sad. It's the story of a dog that keeps being reincarnated into other dogs, constantly searching for a purpose. I like it. It reminds me of Macey.
Hey, maybe I could write about books? I know an awful lot about books.
Listening to Passion Pit now, and getting sleepy. I sleep a lot these days, and it's always the same deep, dream-filled sleep. I keep having the most amazing, detailed, complex dreams. And I'm doing this thing that used to happen to me a lot when I was younger. I would be dreaming, and then wake up from it slightly. Feeling that I didn't yet want to be finished with the dream, I would just shut my eyes and either immediately or gradually pop back into it. I like the sensation. It's very warm and comforting, kind of like somethings gently pulling me back under.
Also, I am a pro reader. I've only been at this book for 1 hour, and I am on page 127 of 319.
I did some good, old fashioned thinking today, and actually managed to think of a few things I could write about. I came up with:
- a how-to guide to making a Pikachu costume.
- various recipes
- how to strike up conversations with a stranger.
Meager, but there.
I also wanted to talk about how it bothers me that people fear the idea of us being a comic accident, but I feel that might be a little heavy for one of my first writings.
I'm reading again! I just finished Fool, by Christopher Moore tonight, which was obviously fantastic, and started on A Dog's Purpose, by W. Bruce Cameron. It's pretty good, but kind of sad. It's the story of a dog that keeps being reincarnated into other dogs, constantly searching for a purpose. I like it. It reminds me of Macey.
Hey, maybe I could write about books? I know an awful lot about books.
Listening to Passion Pit now, and getting sleepy. I sleep a lot these days, and it's always the same deep, dream-filled sleep. I keep having the most amazing, detailed, complex dreams. And I'm doing this thing that used to happen to me a lot when I was younger. I would be dreaming, and then wake up from it slightly. Feeling that I didn't yet want to be finished with the dream, I would just shut my eyes and either immediately or gradually pop back into it. I like the sensation. It's very warm and comforting, kind of like somethings gently pulling me back under.
Also, I am a pro reader. I've only been at this book for 1 hour, and I am on page 127 of 319.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Self Worth, Doubt, Esteem and Hate
So. The editor for videojug.com emailed me back, answering some of my questions and giving me a few very helpful links. I learned some stuff about the website, and now all I have to do is sign up and get the ball rolling.
Hm, I feel like I'm forgetting something... Oh, yeah.
WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO WRITE ABOUT.
In her reply, she said:
I could write about what it's like to struggle with your own self worth, I suppose. Boy, has it been a long struggle, with no end in sight. I could write about self doubt, or hey, why not self hate while I'm at it? These are all things I am well versed in.
The other thing is that even if I do write something good, there's no guarantee that people are going to like it, or even read it. I'm so tired of writing things that nobody reads.
I want to do this. I do, I really do. The only problem is that I know I'm going to fuck it up by being a retarded chickenshit. Oh, I do these kinds of these all the time. Something good comes my way, and I don't know how to handle it, so I immediately hit the eject button, and am jettisoned back into oblivion. I have to stay, it's starting to get pretty comfy here.
Okay, so I saw someone writing something about atheism. Not a how-to, just an article discussing it. Hey, I can do that. Oh yeah, but someone's already done that. This website's been around for almost 5 years. What am I supposed to write about that hasn't already been done? I suppose I could write about similar things, only better, but that sounds like I'd need some serious self esteem and balls to try that, because, you know. The chickenshit thing.
See, this is why I'm always telling myself to get a hobby. For years I've been looking for something, but I've got nothing. I can't keep hobbies because I get too easily bored and move on to something else. Nothing is constant, except for this nice, comfy oblivion I am currently inhabiting.
I think I'm just going to go to sleep now, and possibly something will come to my in my dreams. You never know, it's happened before. Then I am going to go to work for 8 hours and feel all creativity drained from me, plop myself down in front of the computer and stare at a glowing screen for a couple more hours, all passion for life slowly ebbing away.
So, same time tomorrow?
Hm, I feel like I'm forgetting something... Oh, yeah.
WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO WRITE ABOUT.
In her reply, she said:
While that is a little helpful, it still begs the question: What is my expertise? Hobby? And skills? Oh dear. I don't really have any of those, do I? I blab on about random things that bother/interest me. I make a lot of jokes, crass and otherwise. I know about anxiety, and zombies. Video games and Internet inside-humour. The only things I know about that I could actually write about are things like writing, drawing and cooking, and I'm not an expert at any of those things. I'm fairly competent at all three, but I don't think I could write about them with any kind of authority. I can scribble a story, doodle a comic and read a recipe, but I wouldn't say that I have a true talent for any of these things. Any moron could do that shit."What would you be writing about --- I think you’d be glad to know that
you can write about anything you want. It could be about your expertise,
skills, hobbies, sports, work, or anything that interest you at the
moment. Just make it simple, informative, and useful for our knowledge-hungry
users—your soon-to-be followers. Our main aim is to answer some of our
users' burning questions from cooking to sports to charity work, etc.
So if you can provide some answers/insights on your article, you're
gonna have a good number of followers in no time."
I could write about what it's like to struggle with your own self worth, I suppose. Boy, has it been a long struggle, with no end in sight. I could write about self doubt, or hey, why not self hate while I'm at it? These are all things I am well versed in.
The other thing is that even if I do write something good, there's no guarantee that people are going to like it, or even read it. I'm so tired of writing things that nobody reads.
I want to do this. I do, I really do. The only problem is that I know I'm going to fuck it up by being a retarded chickenshit. Oh, I do these kinds of these all the time. Something good comes my way, and I don't know how to handle it, so I immediately hit the eject button, and am jettisoned back into oblivion. I have to stay, it's starting to get pretty comfy here.
Okay, so I saw someone writing something about atheism. Not a how-to, just an article discussing it. Hey, I can do that. Oh yeah, but someone's already done that. This website's been around for almost 5 years. What am I supposed to write about that hasn't already been done? I suppose I could write about similar things, only better, but that sounds like I'd need some serious self esteem and balls to try that, because, you know. The chickenshit thing.
See, this is why I'm always telling myself to get a hobby. For years I've been looking for something, but I've got nothing. I can't keep hobbies because I get too easily bored and move on to something else. Nothing is constant, except for this nice, comfy oblivion I am currently inhabiting.
I think I'm just going to go to sleep now, and possibly something will come to my in my dreams. You never know, it's happened before. Then I am going to go to work for 8 hours and feel all creativity drained from me, plop myself down in front of the computer and stare at a glowing screen for a couple more hours, all passion for life slowly ebbing away.
So, same time tomorrow?
Friday, October 8, 2010
To Do, To Do, Tout Doucement
THINGS THAT NEED TO BE ACCOMPLISHED:
1) Go to Button Button
Button Button is a store that sells, predictably, buttons. I have a ton of jackets that are missing buttons, and it drives me insane. So I plan to take pictures of the missing buttons siblings, and then head on down to Button Button and find the closest matches I can.
2) Go to Fabricland
I've decided that instead of being a 1940s singer/actress/prostitute/whatever for Halloween, I am going to be Pikachu.
I'm going to use this dress that I already have as the pattern for the Pikachu dress. Also, that dress is amazing. It is so comfortable and has magical transforming patterns. I looked preeeetty good in it, if I don't say so myself.
Anyway, I'm going to sew the whole thing myself. I'll make the ears, and then wear yellow tights and find yellow gloves. Or sew yellow gloves if I can't find any. I sewed a pair of socks for a Halloween costume one year. I can do anything >D
3) Write, you fool!
Even though the editor from Videojug Pages hasn't emailed me back yet, her words really inspired me. I AM a good writer. I CAN do this. I just lost myself for awhile somewhere back there. But last night, I wrote a short story. Yeah! I know! I didn't forget how to do it! I could feel how rusty I was though. It was harder to get the words out than it used to be. But I am going to do this. I am going to start writing again, about whatever pops into my head. Prepare yourself.
4) Write a letter to Maya
Since Maya went to Germany, I have definitely noticed her absence. Now, I am not one to miss people. I know she's coming back, and it's all a matter of sitting back and being patient. Time can go by surprisingly fast when you're not paying attention. But it has been weird not seeing her around. Ever since she started living with us during the summer, it was like she became my second sister. And I know she misses being here, so I am going to write her some letters. I bought a booklet of stamps today, which I am going to split with Rachel when I see her on Monday for Thanksgiving.
5) Get Max's birthday present
No dice, Max. You can't catch me that easily.
6) Get Tanis' birthday present
You too, Tanis.
There. Those are the pressing matters in my life right now. I just have to be sure that I buckle down and actually do them. Motivation is the key! I can accomplish all these things if I just put my mind to it.
Also, the title for this blog is a reference to a lovely little cover of a song from 1957 by Feist.
1) Go to Button Button
Button Button is a store that sells, predictably, buttons. I have a ton of jackets that are missing buttons, and it drives me insane. So I plan to take pictures of the missing buttons siblings, and then head on down to Button Button and find the closest matches I can.
2) Go to Fabricland
I've decided that instead of being a 1940s singer/actress/prostitute/whatever for Halloween, I am going to be Pikachu.
I'm going to use this dress that I already have as the pattern for the Pikachu dress. Also, that dress is amazing. It is so comfortable and has magical transforming patterns. I looked preeeetty good in it, if I don't say so myself.
Anyway, I'm going to sew the whole thing myself. I'll make the ears, and then wear yellow tights and find yellow gloves. Or sew yellow gloves if I can't find any. I sewed a pair of socks for a Halloween costume one year. I can do anything >D
3) Write, you fool!
Even though the editor from Videojug Pages hasn't emailed me back yet, her words really inspired me. I AM a good writer. I CAN do this. I just lost myself for awhile somewhere back there. But last night, I wrote a short story. Yeah! I know! I didn't forget how to do it! I could feel how rusty I was though. It was harder to get the words out than it used to be. But I am going to do this. I am going to start writing again, about whatever pops into my head. Prepare yourself.
4) Write a letter to Maya
Since Maya went to Germany, I have definitely noticed her absence. Now, I am not one to miss people. I know she's coming back, and it's all a matter of sitting back and being patient. Time can go by surprisingly fast when you're not paying attention. But it has been weird not seeing her around. Ever since she started living with us during the summer, it was like she became my second sister. And I know she misses being here, so I am going to write her some letters. I bought a booklet of stamps today, which I am going to split with Rachel when I see her on Monday for Thanksgiving.
5) Get Max's birthday present
No dice, Max. You can't catch me that easily.
6) Get Tanis' birthday present
You too, Tanis.
There. Those are the pressing matters in my life right now. I just have to be sure that I buckle down and actually do them. Motivation is the key! I can accomplish all these things if I just put my mind to it.
Also, the title for this blog is a reference to a lovely little cover of a song from 1957 by Feist.
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