I watched a movie called Art School Confidential just now, and I was able to finish watching it because it made me feel kind of depressed. Some eager little kid goes to art school and ends up getting totally discouraged from being a great artist like he wants to be, and starts trying to draw and paint according to what other people want. That's so LAME! I know it's just a movie, but I couldn't get over it. I was hoping for a feel good movie about a kid who goes to art school and then turns out alright after, because that's what I'm kind of hoping will happen to me.
I like school, I do, but there are certain things about it that are killing me. Like in painting. I'm not a big fan of painting anyway, but to top it off there's all this touchy-feely bullshit. The other day, our classes was about emotions, and how to paint emotion using colour, style and brushstrokes. Seemed solid enough, but it quickly degenerated into crap. First we had to name as many emotions as we could think of (pro tip: "hunger" is not an emotion, classmates) and then we had to pick one and paint the arrangement that the teacher had set up in the middle of the class according to that emotion. This ended up being a lot harder than I thought it would be and after two in class attempts, I decided to scrap them and try again at home. Just came up with a really great idea for that, actually. Anyway, it's stupid. When we were critiquing our self-portraits in class, people were saying the dumbest things. To quote one girl, "I feel like your painting is the cover of a book, and if I opened it I could read the story of your life." I seriously almost lost it in the middle of class. What the fuck?
I'm finding the things like this hard to swallow because, let's all face it, I'm not an emotional person. I never have been, and to be honest, I hope I never am. I don't get sad and think "I'm going to draw my feelings!" Sure, I have sat down with a sketchbook when I'm feeling a little blue, but that's because I enjoy drawing and it makes me feel better, not because I want to vomit up all my feelings on to paper.
I think it's because I'm not an artist in the way that all these other people want to be. I want to be a Kazu Kibuishi and a Lucy Knisely, not a Monet or Picasso.