It's 5:30 in the morning. No, I didn't wake up early. I just haven't gone to sleep. And the weird thing is that I don't feel tired at all. Like, I'm yawning, but physically I feel really energetic. And manic.
And for some reason, I can feel anxiety curling it's way into my chest right now. I shouldn't be allowed to be up this late. Strange things happen to me.
I can't really explain how I'm feeling right now. Manic is definitely the right word. I feel like, like I'm glowing. Whenever I get like this, I feel prettier, and funnier, and stronger, and taller and just... powerful. Like I'm totally in control.
It's sick, I know it's sick. I'm sick.
Even now, I'm hungry, but I can't bring myself to eat. In total for today and yesterday, I have eaten a couple slices of salami, half a small potato salad, a chocolate bar, popcorn, tinned mackerel. And it makes me feel strong.
Okay, I'm not sick, but I'm not well.
Had a lovely conversation with Amina for a couple of hours as we stayed up together. Honestly, besides Max, she's the only person I've told a few personal things to. I think it's because I can feel that we're the same. She said that everyone at work thinks she's "the happiest person in the world." I told her that when we first met and really talked, I could already tell she wasn't.
Anyway, I'm off to Seattle for the day with my mum, Rachel, and her friend Maya, who has never ever been to the States before. I already know I am going to buy two comic books from the store they have on that pier. Flight vol. 7 and The Walking Dead vol. 12. STOKED.
Well, peace out kiddies. All of you have a nice day now, and ponder deep, existentialist thoughts.