I had a dream that my mother died, and it was... just so awful, as you can probably imagine.
It felt so real, and the entire dream I was just crying and crying. Someone played a recording of her voice and I lost it. What was funny though was that throughout the entire dream, I was convinced that it wasn't true, that I had to be dreaming. Really. There were points where I was like "Lisa, that's stupid. Stop pretending and face the music." and others where I was like "No no NO, this is a dream, this has to be a dream." Thankfully it was.
Thinking back though, there were a number of things that made it obvious that I was dreaming. For one, I was in high school again, haha. Second, they were displaying a picture of my mum that is not a picture that exists in real life. There were a bunch of other smaller things too that should have made it very obvious, and when I woke up it took me a few minutes to even remember that I had had that dream and feel relieved.
I went to a really fun place last night with my good friend Chiara, called The Waldorf Hotel. It's like a club for hipsters, really. And it was sooo coooool. My makeup was dope, and I even drank. Yes, actual alcohol, people. It always, always burns my throat on the way down though, so I will not be making it a habit. But it was fun to feel like an adult.
The theme for the night was old Italian music, haha. Like, kind of weird 60s music sung in Italian. There was also a live band, and a girl who did this weird writhing-around-on-the-floor-dance-while-flipping-her-hair in a skin-tight flesh-toned leotard. There were hipsters, and all the hipster girls had the cutest outfits on! They're all like, size 4 to size 0 though, so nothing would have fit me. I think I looked nice. I wore my fitting black dress with the rainbow stripes, and had dark lipstick on and orange eyeshadow. We mostly just talked and drank, and hung around outside with Chiara's boyfriend, Dan, who is one of the bouncers there. We showed her friend Colin how to light a cigarette off of one of the big heat lamps they had outside. I talked to a very nice drunk girl who complimented my tights and told me that I was very cute. Self esteem!
I am definitely going to go back there, hopefully with Chiara again because she gets in for free, haha. Hell, maybe I'll even dance one time. Chiara said she goes with Brianna and Matt a lot, and they're both pretty cool. I'm going to need more cool outfits to wear though.
Funny thing is, I almost didn't go. Chiara texted me early in the day and asked if I'd like to be her date. I said yes, but was so nervous about it that I almost cancelled. I was worried that I would bore her, I was worried that I would be bored, I was worried about going to a new place, I was worried about looking fat.... Just overall worried. Max told me it was the right thing to do though. I need to get out more and try new things. I am super glad I did go, because otherwise I would have stayed home and played Fallout all night (I still did that, haha). I'm liking this new person I'm becoming. She's less anxious and tries new things, and it's fun.
Okay! Going to actually clean my house today! If I don't, I'm going to... er... punch myself? I don't know, but I am going to get this shit DONE.