I came to a sad realization yesterday. I go through life thinking that nobody likes me.
I'm not throwing out a sob story to make you all feel sorry for me. This just genuinely surprised me when I realized it. I was on the bus, looking out the window, trying to figure out what I was going to do with my free days that were coming up. Recently, I've been spending most of them alone, because I am literally too shy to ask my friends to hang out with me. It's not really that terrible, hanging out alone, but it does get boring. So I was thinking about this, and I wondered if I should ask some of my friends from work to hang out with me. We're all super friendly with each other, and a few of them have even said that we should hang out from time to time. And I thought about texting one of them and asking if she was free on Wednesday, when I stopped myself, because I thought "Oh, but I bet she'll say no. I don't think she really likes me anyway." And that's when it hit me. I think that everybody doesn't like me.
Isn't that fucked up? Here's the kicker: I've thought this about all of you. Every single person that I know, I have thought this about (with the exception of my mum, dad, brother and sister). Friends that I've known for years. My bosses. Yes, I have thought this about Max. I can hear you thinking "No, I bet she never thought that about me." I'm sorry, but you're wrong. The slightest thing can set it off. Maybe I said hi, and you didn't say back. Maybe you're only giving me one word answers. Don't worry. I don't harbour any ill-feelings towards anyone. Now, mind you, it's not every day. I don't spend every waking moment walking around, assuming that everyone I know doesn't like me. From time to time, though, it happens. And it sucks, to be honest. Point is, I need to get some kind of self confidence. Maybe call my friends and ask them to go out and... do... something? I don't know. But this will be my challenge for the summer. Stop being a loser.
Hey, that was depressing! Here's a cool picture!
... I need a hobby.