Monday, May 9, 2011

Pick Up The Pieces And Go Home

I came to a sad realization yesterday. I go through life thinking that nobody likes me.

I'm not throwing out a sob story to make you all feel sorry for me. This just genuinely surprised me when I realized it. I was on the bus, looking out the window, trying to figure out what I was going to do with my free days that were coming up. Recently, I've been spending most of them alone, because I am literally too shy to ask my friends to hang out with me. It's not really that terrible, hanging out alone, but it does get boring. So I was thinking about this, and I wondered if I should ask some of my friends from work to hang out with me. We're all super friendly with each other, and a few of them have even said that we should hang out from time to time. And I thought about texting one of them and asking if she was free on Wednesday, when I stopped myself, because I thought "Oh, but I bet she'll say no. I don't think she really likes me anyway." And that's when it hit me. I think that everybody doesn't like me.

Isn't that fucked up? Here's the kicker: I've thought this about all of you. Every single person that I know, I have thought this about (with the exception of my mum, dad, brother and sister). Friends that I've known for years. My bosses. Yes, I have thought this about Max. I can hear you thinking "No, I bet she never thought that about me." I'm sorry, but you're wrong. The slightest thing can set it off. Maybe I said hi, and you didn't say back. Maybe you're only giving me one word answers. Don't worry. I don't harbour any ill-feelings towards anyone. Now, mind you, it's not every day. I don't spend every waking moment walking around, assuming that everyone I know doesn't like me. From time to time, though, it happens. And it sucks, to be honest. Point is, I need to get some kind of self confidence. Maybe call my friends and ask them to go out and... do... something? I don't know. But this will be my challenge for the summer. Stop being a loser.

Hey, that was depressing! Here's a cool picture!



... I need a hobby.

4 comments:

  1. Isn't blogging a hobby? =P You're better at it than me anyway.
    If you tell yourself something for long enough you'll start to believe it, so start chanting good things because they are more true than the bad ones!

    Also, I feel like I'm being over creepy, commenting on like every post. >_> Sorry.

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  2. No, you're not being creepy! I love comments! I hardly ever get them. And yeah, I suppose blogging is a hobby. I never really thought of it that way before.

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  3. You manage to keep it up too. I post every day for a while and then just... don't for weeks >_< I am a baaad blogger...

    Also, you are more interesting than me =P

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  4. Thank you for the amazing ego-boost. I seriously needed that. And you're not a bad blogger! Sometimes life just gets in the way.

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