Friday, December 17, 2010

Alone Is Okay

This is probably old news, since the video already has over 2 million views, but it's still amazing:

I will admit, I teared up the first time I watched this. And the second. And the third. Because this video is so... I don't want to say "so me" because that sounds trite and cliched, but it IS so me.

I love just hanging out with myself. I've never really found myself craving human contact, or thought "Oh no, I'm going to be on my own this evening." The first time I ever missed anyone was when I was 17 and I went to Europe for 2 weeks with my school band, and I missed Max so much I ached. I still miss him, when he goes away on trips, but never in a "I hate being without him"way, more like a "sigh, I can't wait until I get to kiss him again" kind of way.

I think part of my love for alone comes from being in a too small house with too many people in it as a kid. There was never any time where I just had myself, except at night when I was falling asleep, and even then I still shared a room with Rachel. I used to wake up every morning, excitedly anticipating bedtime, because every night I would take the time to just lay quietly and let my thoughts roam. Those were the best parts of my day. I kind of miss that those were the best parts of my day.

I've always been more of a thinker than a talker, and the first time I heard the word "introvert", I knew it was something familiar. I read this great article in a psychology magazine, about introverted people, and there was someone that hypothesized that introverts were really just hypersensitive, and took in data more rapidly than other people. So being exposed to too much stimuli (i.e, people) kind of shorts them out and makes them tired. It made so much sense to me. It was like the author wrote an entire article just about me. Whenever I'm trying to describe the sensation to someone, I always use the word "drained", because that's exactly what it feels like. Like all the energy has been sucked out of me and I'm just weary. Being alone recharges my batteries, and the article that said alone time for introverts allows them to sort through all the data they've absorbed.

One of the things that I'm most excited about with this new house is that I'll get to just be alone in my own little space. Whenever I imagine myself there, it's always Spring, and I'm sitting in the kitchen with a cup of tea on my hands, gazing out the window at a sky dotted with perfect white clouds, and everything outside is green and growing and in my house it is quiet.

Man, specific imagination or what?

Haha, the other day when Max was over, he said "Hey, want to go do some gay Christmas stuff sometime? Like walk around downtown or Stanley Park when it's all lit up." So we're going to go to Van Dusen Gardens to see the Festival of Lights, and it's going to be so nice! We're going to bring a big thermos full of hot chocolate, and some nice little snacks. I've been to the Festival of Lights before, when I was a kid, and it's beautiful. I'm excited!

Tomorrow I am going to go to a party. What kind of party, you ask? A cake party, my dears. Months ago, Chiara was asking a bunch of us while we were having a wine and cheese night at her house, what good themes for more parties would be. People were throwing out suggestions, and then I, being kind of silly, said "cake". Chiara laughed and said "Cake? Why cake?" and I said "Because everyone likes cake." There was a murmur of agreement, and she asked what we would do at a cake party. "Everyone brings a cake, and we just hang out and eat cake." She loved the idea, and we talked about it a lot, promising it would happen. And now it's totally happening! I made the cutest cake, seriously. Actually, I'm going to go take a picture of it right now, so I can post it here.

I think the silver balls really make it.

My two favourite lines from the How To Be Alone video:

"Lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless, and lonely is healing if you make it."
"Because if you're happy in your head then solitude is blessed and alone is okay."

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