Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I Can Say What I Like

I'm so ANGRY right now.

I found out from my mother that years ago, while my nonna was on her deathbed, she made my dad promise that he would always take care of Tony. Of course, he agreed. What else could you say to your mother as she was dying? Any now he is stuck with this fuck up* of a brother for the rest of his life.

And you know what? It's not right.

It's not RIGHT that he is the only one stuck with this. Uncle Tony is an okay fellow, really. I wrote a previous blog entry about him that was especially negative, mostly because I was mad about him intruding on our happy little life. I will still never forgive him for being a loser and taking all that money from my dad over the years. I still don't want him living with us, but he has never done anything to me personally. Hell, I know him better than the rest of my dad's family.

Boy, do I have a few things to say to them. Did you know that they don't even speak to each other? Siblings man, brothers and sisters, and they can't put aside their fucked up problems and just get along. My dad would always use them as a cautionary tale to tell me and my own siblings. "Never fight."he said. "You're brother and sisters, and you need to stick together and be there for each other. Look at my family; no one talks to each other, and it's bad." Growing up, I learned not to put too much stock in family. From what I'd seen, they were only burdens and inconveniences. I love my own family, I do; My mum, my dad, my brother and my sister. I have two favourite aunts, Sue and Helen, and I would have a favourite uncle if Mike would just fix himself up and stop being such a drunk. My dad's side are strangers that you have to put up with at family gatherings and obligatory visits, like, when you take your first vacation by yourself ever and just want to hang out with Auntie Sue, Julia and Leanne, but have to go visit your father's relations or else he'll be hurt, and they end up leaving a dark stain on the memory of the trip. Strangely enough, Rosa and Tony are the only two I could put up with, excluding my cousins.

This "promise" is BULLSHIT. What, because my dad is the greatest thing to ever come out of that family, he has to be the one to put up with this? No one else would help him, but everyone is perfectly content to remind him of this promise. Life must be pretty dandy when you don't have a promise to a dead mother guilting you into helping a brother you really don't have the resources to help.

Also, how dare you send a message to me, trying to get me to "remind" my lovely father of some bullshit promise. How dare you.

I am tired of censoring my own blog. I know, I know, that this is going to get back to my father, and I know he will be hurt. I know this. I will apologize to him, and explain to him why I said these things (although I have a feeling he would understand), and he can forgive me or not. This is my blog, and I can say what I like. My name is Lisa, and I don't mince words.



*Fun fact: In Australia, instead of saying "fuck up", they say "cock up"

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