Monday, February 1, 2010

Parties, Bus Lesbians and Shirt Dogs

Crooked Teeth - Death Cab For Cutie

A lot has happened.

...not really.

My friend Chiara had a party... a gangster themed party! I knew everyone else was going to show up "contemporary gangster", as Rum put it, but since I'm made of pure class I came old-school gangster. It was more of a mash up of the 20s, 30s and 40s, but really, no one noticed except for me. Carla has some pictures of me, and if she ever posts them to Facebook, I'll put one up.

But as my readers know, I am the MOST AWKWARD PERSON ON THE PLANET, therefore I stood around like a pussy, not talking to anyone. There's no real point in my going to parties, because I a) don't drink, b) don't dance, and c) am not single. And I don't know how to make conversation with strangers. Goddamnit.

Ah, there we go, a picture. I looked like a fat cow in most of them, but this one was fairly decent.
As I said just then, no good at parties. Thankfully I knew some people there, including a boy that my sister knows, Toni. Nice young man. He accompanied me on the bus, where I met the most awkward woman ever.

Woman: I looove your dress!
Me: Oh, thank you.
Woman: ... I looove your dress.
Me: Uh, yeah, it's pretty great.
Woman: I REALLY love your dress.

AND THEN SHE REACHED OUT AND CARESSED MY LEG.

Me: Whoaaaa, okay, you just touched me.

Then, since I was wearing heels and standing on a moving bus, I swayed a bit, and immeditately:

Woman: Do you want to sit down?
Me: Haha, that's okay.
Woman: You could sit on me.
Me: No thanks, you have a dog in your shirt. (SHE DID, SHE TOTALLY DID)

And then I moved to the back of the bus.
Honestly? Why do I attract people like this (for example, fat, middle-aged lesbians who keep animals inside their clothing). I certainly don't try and make a connection with these people, ever. I try and stay away from them, because inevitably, one of them will try and touch me or something else gross.

Thankfully, there was a lot less scary bus lesbians and a lot more killing zombies with Travis at Max's house, so the evening was alright.

But I did fail to show up for work on time, because I didn't know I was working. Lame :(

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