This I'm-trying-really-hard-not-to-think-about-Max update is brought to you by Depression and Amanda-says-it's-good-for-'personal-growth'!
While I was busy sitting at home on my laptop (literally?!) I decided to check out My Life Is Average. No particularly interesting ones today. Except there was this one:
"Today, my dad was feeling down because he got laid off. I showed my dad MyLifeIsAverage.com. He didn't get the stories. I then showed him MyLifeIsTwilight.com. He laughed, fell out of his chair, and raised my allowance. He thought it was the stupidest thing he had ever read. MLIA"
I thought this was some kind of sick, awful joke. No fucking way there was a site like this, no way in hell. This horrible Twilight obsession that is rampant right now is so annoying. It's not even good writing! So, I had to see for myself. Sadly, it's real.
You thought YOU were pathetic? Get a load of this shit, seriously.
"Today, I told my History teacher that I was a vampire and I had eaten seven humans over the weekend. I am no longer her favourite, just the weirdo who sits in the corner. MLIT!"
"Today I made out with my large sybarian husky because he reminded me of Jacob. MLIT"
"As of now, I have 4 days til I get on my Greyhound. Destination? FORKS! I'm moving there. Seriously. My apartment's already set up. I have a job at a Twilight tourist shop. I love my life! MLIT."
And now, perhaps the saddest one of all:
"I have a life-sized cardboard cutout of Edward in my room. When I saw New Moon again I bought an extra ticket and had Edward sit next to me. Best date ever. MLIT"
Twitards, just... just stop. There are no vampires or werewolves out there, and if there are, they are not sexy. Not even a little. I want you all to know this and stop pretending that Twilight is real, alright?
EDIT: I stand corrected. Here is the saddest one of all:
"Today, I realized Im pretty much going to fail the IB because I cant stop reading the Twilight Saga over and over again. Its totally worth it. Who cares about Anna Karenina when you can read about Edward and Bella? MLIT"
Holy fuck, I felt something inside me shrivel up and die. Who cares about Anna Karenina when you can read about fucking Edward and Bella? Holy fuck. That's like saying who gives a shit about Shakespeare when you could read the stunning literary gems of Stephanie Meyer. Because screw the legacy Billy left the world. I want some more teenage sexual tension.
And that's pretty much all that's going on today. I'm supposed to be going out to dinner with Carla and Cerina tonight, but I'm really not feeling it. Plus, it is windy and cold as shit, and if I go out I'm going to have to wear a dress, and I am not in the mood to be cold today. And I switched shifts with Karina, so tomorrow I'm working 8 to 2, so going out and having dinner late seems like a bad idea. And, to be honest, I'm still feeling pretty lousy and bummed out about everything, and I think I need a Me Day. I still have a lot to think about. Also, I have nothing nice to wear out.
Just trying not to think too hard about everything. I feel like I've moved out of the depressed stage, and am on to acceptance. Actually, I seriously did go through the 5 stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance). I hope I'll be okay from now on. I do still feel sad, but that's normal I guess.
It's like, I feel like I want to get back together with Max, but would that feeling last? My mum did this thing, where she broke up and then got back together with the same guy like, 5 times. I think she just gave in to how sad and lonely it all was, and couldn't deal, so she kept going back. As much as I didn't like him, I felt really bad for him, and I do not want to make Max feel like that at all. Also, I can't tell if I actually want to be with him again, or if I'm just lonely.
Travis said that there should be some kind of Relationship Funeral. Because it's like, after you end a relationship, then what? It still feels like everything is the same most of the time. How are you supposed to just end something like 3 fucking years of loving someone just like that, and go about with your life like everything is the same? There should be some kind of funeral, so you can recognize that it's over and be able to properly move on. Because there's always those times, like when you first wake up after dreaming about him, where you forget what happened. And the realization always makes me feel sick and sad. So is that a sign?
Augh, Max, I need to talk to you. But you said you'd come and find me when you were ready, so I'm respecting that and waiting. You're so sensible, I know that I'll be able to work something out if we talk.
Well, so much for getting my mind off of Max. Now I just miss him again.