Sunday, June 20, 2010

Craziness and Me

For a long time now, I've suspected that I had Adult ADHD.

Predominantly inattentive type symptoms may include:
  • Be easily distracted, miss details, forget things, and frequently switch from one activity to another
  • Have difficulty focusing on one thing
  • Become bored with a task after only a few minutes, unless doing something enjoyable
  • Have difficulty focusing attention on organizing and completing a task or learning something new
  • Have trouble completing or turning in homework assignments, often losing things (e.g., pencils, toys, assignments) needed to complete tasks or activities
  • Not seem to listen when spoken to
  • Daydream, become easily confused, and move slowly
  • Have difficulty processing information as quickly and accurately as others
  • Struggle to follow instructions.

Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive type symptoms may include:

  • Fidget and squirm in their seats
  • Talk nonstop (when I get the chance, lol)
  • Dash around, touching or playing with anything and everything in sight
  • Have trouble sitting still during dinner, school, and story time
  • Be constantly in motion
  • Have difficulty doing quiet tasks or activities.

and also these manifestations primarily of impulsivity:

  • Be very impatient
  • Blurt out inappropriate comments, show their emotions without restraint, and act without regard for consequences
  • Have difficulty waiting for things they want or waiting their turns in games
Now, I don't have many of the hyperactive-impulsive symptoms, but that's a loooot of inattentive symptoms that are bolded up there. So maybe I just have ADD? This isn't the first time I've suspected it. I wondered in highschool a lot if I had some kind of weird issue.

Wow, as I dig deeper in Wikipedia, there are a lot of pages that sound pretty much exactly like me. There's ADHD predominantly inattentive (ADHD-PI), and Adult attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Hahaha, oh man, it's actually funny reading the symptoms because they just sound so much like me. In the chart for adult attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, I would be on the inattentive side and that is like, seriously spot on. Also, for the adult ADHD, it is "often associated with psychiatric comorbidities as depression, anxiety disorder..." and oh man, do I have me some o' that.

You know, I've always assumed I was crazy, and I guess I was right. Do you know I do this bizarre thing, that when people call out my name, I get really surprised for a second and think "Oh yeah! That's right, my name is Lisa!" It happens all the time. It's not really like I forget what my name is. It's more like, I'm not used to being called that, and... yeah, it's fucking crazy, I know.

I also regularly hallucinate that people have accents when they totally don't. Like, I'll say hello to a customer at work, and when they reply I think "Oh, they're English/Scottish/Australian/German (these are the most common accents I 'hear')". And then when I talk to them again, I'm like "Oh wow, they toootally have no accent at all." It's really fucking weird. Most recently it happened on Wednesday at the movie theatre.

Last night, I was watching this insane Korean movie called "I'm A Cyborg, But That's OK", which was billed as a "romantic comedy/surrealist film" and honestly, I think only Korean people could pull off that kind of pairing. Have you ever watched Korean dramas on TV? They are seriously fucked, but awesome at the same time. So I was not disappointed by this movie. The main character is Young-goon, a young woman who believes she is a cyborg, and gets sent to a sanitorium where she meets another patient, Il-sun, who overcomes his own craziness by trying to make her get better. It's a really cool movie, I have to say. I'm going to attempt to buy it somewhere so I can watch it more.

There was a line Young-goon said in the movie, though I can't remember exactly how it went. She was listening to a "radio broadcast" (which she was just hallucinating) talking about how machines such as vending machines and refrigerators are lucky, because they know their one true purpose in life, and Young-goon kind of mutters about how she wished she only had one true purpose in life, and I almost started crying, because I feel the same way.

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